A little less hard

 Things are feeling a bit better, or if not better, at least not as dire. In the "wins" column:

I did handstand push ups at the gym! It's one of those things that looks really cool, and I felt sort of confident that I could do them. The problem was that if I was wrong, I'd learn by crashing down on my head. But I tried them last week and I did them! And I've done them twice more in workouts since. 

There are things that I acknowledge that I probably won't ever do, or won't do well, as a middle age, casual CrossFitter. And for the most part I'm okay with that. But there are a few things that feel like I *could* Cross this one off the list :)

C rearranged our bedroom on Thanksgiving while I cooked after I had a mini-meltdown about our room not feeling like I wanted to. I don't know why I don't listen to him more. He asked, "What if we put the bed where it's supposed to go (meaning centered between the windows)?" and it's seriously a game changer. Who knew? Per feng shui it's not right since our feet point out the door, but per my heart, it's a huge improvement. 

I was whining at the gym about Thanksgiving and trying to feed Sydney, when someone commented, "Oh? So she's keto?" SMH. Yep. She's essentially keto with a few more limitations. Realizing this has made figuring out recipes and finding products SO MUCH EASIER. This weekend I bought a cookbook called "Dirty Lazy Keto" and I'm excited to start trying things out. And Thanksgiving was a success! I made grain free stuffing that I preferred to the box (thank you, Simple Mills bread mix!), we had ham and no turkey like a bunch of deviants, and there were just the right amount of leftovers. 

We are so klassy 

The cats aren't dying anymore. Scout is fine, and has to wear the cone of shame for two weeks. She's so pathetic in in and has no clue how to navigate and it's cracking me up. 

I thought I overbought in my dopamine seeking fury, but I organized all the Amazon arrivals and actually I'm right on track! Big kids are awesome, but also kind of harder to impress for Christmas. 

Speaking of Christmas and Big Kids, Sydney made an appointment for Santa Pictures all on her own for noon on Black Friday which I was sure was going to be a shit show. I was pleasantly wrong and when you have Bigs, Santa is a 2 minute MAX situation. I hope I was a picture of hope for all of the moms around us with tiny crying babies and toddlers who were likely to refuse to be anywhere near Santa. 

My tattoo is fucking awesome. It's not at all what I was picturing in my head and it ended up a lot bigger than I was expecting. Full honesty, I almost bailed when she sent the picture. But I didn't and it's perfect and I love it so much. So I guess I'm a two half-sleeves kind of person now? 

Isn't he the cutest?! And she even made his feet dirty

Hard

 I'm having one of those days where I have to actively fight against feeling sorry for myself. I hate a pity party, but fuck if life just keeps punching me in the face lately. And I keep bouncing back like a ray of fucking sunshine, but this morning I still had a lingering cold and I had to go to work while everyone else was cozy in bed and I stayed up too late finishing a book that ended lame and none of my clothes fit right and the dumb dogs had me playing Door Bitch while I was trying to make my coffee and honestly, I'm about out of sunshine. 

I don't want to make Thanksgiving dinner this year. I have to work all week because new job = no PTO (plus I have actual work that needs to get done), and Sydney got diagnosed with being allergic to everything under the sun, so honestly there's nothing I can really make her. How does one create a festive, inclusive Thanksgiving meal without using wheat, rice, potatoes, soy, carrots, celery, apples, or yeast? I should just acknowledge that what's going to happen is I'm going to make a bunch of weird shit, and no one will eat it and I'll get pissed off and the whole day will be lame. 

My dumb pets are costing me literal THOUSANDS of dollars right now. We are not good, responsible vet going pet owners but two of them have had issues that made me kind of feel like a bad person, and yet, here we are. Handing over credit cards and hoping they go through for dumb animals who either pee in my corners or keep opening the fucking doors as soon as I'm cozy on the couch (or both.) 

Christmas is three weeks after Thanksgiving. I was so ahead of the game, and now suddenly I'm not. Also, see above with all my money going to dumb animals with dumb medical problems. And I really wanted to give handmade gifts this year, but dumb life and calendars and all, so now I feel rushed and panicked to make things and it's not fun anymore. And I need to order my Christmas cards but I keep feeling like there's got to be a better deal on them and we all know that that means I'll wait too long and then have to pay a bunch extra. 

And a bunch of other stupid shit. 

Blergh. 

Thanks for listening to my vent. Here's a picture from a couple weeks ago of Averson's pure joy at going to the new Amazon Fresh grocery store. Enthusiasm and social rebellion and all that. 

Edit: So while I was in the Blogosphere I checked in on some of the other vintage Mom Bloggers and it seems like everyone is having a shit-tastic time right now. So...solidarity. I'm getting a tattoo and overbuying Christmas presents on Amazon (even though I really wanted to do small business, the dopamine hit on my phone is too good right now). You know, if anyone needed tips from a mental health professional

Proof of Life

 Well Shit. I haven't blogged since September and in that time I've started a new job, Eli started college, Sydney played an entire season of volleyball, Averson found their rhythm as a media kid in middle school, and the world imploded. 

I vacillate on how much I want to dedicate to this little space now that the kids are big and everything feels like it needs more context than anyone really wants to read about. At the same time, I miss it and I think I'll be sad when the time comes that I actually do stop writing. Maybe I just need to be here more, to get back to where it was when it felt like my own private little space that I shared with strangers? 

I think I'll try to check in more. There are parts of life that feel really fun right now, and I want to remember them. And there are other parts that feel really fucking hard. We had a good run, where everyone was settled and everything felt... stable. Those times can't last and I'm glad I saw it for what it was when it was happening. And I know we'll get recentered. If I'm honest, it feels like the best solution is a trip to Disneyland which LOGICALLY I know does not fix all the problems, but oh man if I'm not trying to convince myself that it will. Pesky new job with it's pesky onboarding/no time off period...

In the meantime, the world's most random photo dump

I am a person with a Supplement Box now. Anyone taking Creatine? I'm convinced it will change my life. And if you're looking for protein powders, this brand is AMAZING. The pumpkin spice mixed with yogurt tastes like pumpkin cheesecake and it's a DELIGHT

I loved this outfit so much. It made me feel like a main character in Ted Lasso. You can't see it well, but I'm wearing Adidas that are the exact blue of my jacket

Fucking ridiculous. And of course we brought it home and loved it like crazy people

Same. I'm a cat person now. And I'm their favorite. 

I did a CrossFit competition and did not cry, throw up, or get hurt. Also, I think I'm shrinking. Every picture I see of myself seems like I'm getting shorter...

If you give a girl a death trap

 A couple weeks ago I was sitting outside, drinking my coffee, in what has become my most sacred hour of the day, and I looked up to realize that our patio cover was looking a bit...tenuous. I love this patio cover even though it is old and rotted and when we bought the house, the only thing the owners actually offered to do was tear it down. It's rustic and it reminds me of an old southwest house where everything that comes out of the kitchen tastes like love. But also, a couple years ago a not unsubstantial portion of it fell in the exact same spot that my mom liked to spend her time. So I knew that it was coming. 

That afternoon, I mentioned to C that maybe it was time to pull it down. We've been spending so much time in the backyard, and it's pretty hillbilly to start with (see: the decrepit picnic table being used as a diving board that makes me involuntarily suck air anytime one of the boys steps on to it.) C then explained, in detail, what it would entail to take it down and as is our routine, I then got overwhelmed and decided that it would be in everyone's best interests to hire a professional. So I posted on our neighborhood page "Who can help me tear down this death trap?" and within minutes had multiple referrals. 

But of course! It wasn't just referrals to tear it down. Everyone wanted to bid to rebuild and then I started to feel sad that I wouldn't have any shade in the back yard for the foreseeable future. AND THEN. My pool guy texted to say he knew a guy. I love when people know a guy. 

Two weeks later, we're scheduled to have all the materials for a 280 sq foot, solid roof, faux wood patio cover with incorporated lights, fan, and outlets installed. We committed to a price that we ABSOLUTELY weren't planning on, but luckily I'm leaving my job (surprise for another post!) and my PTO cashout is almost exactly the same amount. So I guess Yay! for not being able to take time off for the last 18 months? And we're (mostly C and Eli) demo-ing the existing one ourselves because we wanted to save money. And I pulled apart the picnic table yesterday so our risk of tetanus is greatly reduced. 

I cannot wait to be able to sit outside in the rain and drink my coffee under a set of twinkle lights. My next task is to figure out what kind of furniture to put under this patio, since I took a saw and a sledge hammer to the majority of what we had. 

But picture a delightful rain falling, while I stay nice and dry

First Days

 I find myself less motivated to update this vintage blog, but at the same time I'm so grateful for it's existence and would be so sad to have it just... stop. I don't really know where I'm going to end up, but in the meantime I do want to capture big events for posterity. Big things like the first day of school! Last year was bittersweet, with everyone transitioning levels. What I didn't realize at the time though was that meant new beginnings for everyone this year. 

First day of 6th and 9th! Averson is thrilled to be their dad's sidekick finally, and it turns out that all of my concerns about moving to a bigger school with kids they didn't know was all for naught. Middle School suits this one quite a bit and they're making new friends almost daily. Sydney gets to ride to high school with Eli's girlfriend (a senior!) and with volleyball has jumped in with both feet. Both girls (and I) are thrilled that our district did away with dress codes this year. I love seeing how they both choose to express themselves. 

It felt weird to only have two kids on the porch, and even more so when Eli came down and asked why he wasn't in the shot. Poor kid was feeling left out so we selfied on the way out the door (him to a babysitting gig since his school didn't start for another week.) 

He started his college wrestling practice a couple weeks ago. It's a different beast, but I am so, so grateful that he's able to continue wrestling a bit longer. He came home from his first practice exhausted but also when I asked if he loved it, he said "I want to do it every day for the rest of my life." 

A week later he went off to his first day as a college freshman! And my sweet boy, who was thrilled to not have to be on campus until noon, asked the neighbor to take his picture for me. This kid. I'm loving watching all my friends on the socials moving their kids into dorms but I am also super grateful that he decided to stay at home another year. . 

T

Theater Kid

Averson decided this year that they wanted to try theater, after an awesome experience with the Fifth Grade play. Our local parks and rec partnered with a local theater company to do a camp, where at the end the kids would perform Madagascar Jr. Averson panicked a little about the auditions, since they included both singing and dancing, but ultimately they got several smaller roles. It was perfect! It was a nice mix of group time and solo time and they ROCKED IT. The performance was this weekend and I legit teared up watching everyone sing and dance during "Move It" (which was admittedly pretty discordant but what're you going to do.) The only way I can describe it though, is that it was like watching the light come on in her. Like all of the sudden she was exactly where she was meant to be. Poised and eloquent and with IMPECCABLE comedic timing, and surrounded by all these amazing little souls who saw and appreciated each other in a really beautiful way. We're all obsessed and now I guess I'm a stage mom. Didn't see that one on the parenting bingo card...

Lew the Lemur

Shout out to siblings who take pictures on the sly. This was Candy Hammernose, the news reporter, and she was HILARIOUS. Also, may have wanted to steal the dress

Such a sweet (and chaotic) group of kids!

 

Happy Father's Day!

We had such a fun Father's Day. It was easy and low key and we spent the whole day together, which is C's happy place. We started off by finally using an escape room gift card and despite my fears, we escaped AND we still liked each other on the other side! Then we treated C to a sushi lunch (big kids are the best!) and a couple hours at the arcade. It was the perfect way to celebrate the perfect dad