Gratitude 30/30 (!!!!): Memories

 

I was JUST thinking about how I should have added this journal to my "Love" post, and then Memories came up! It was meant to be. 

I like to think of myself as a writer but I've always struggled to consistently journal. Some days, the idea of putting my thoughts to paper feels daunting. Other days, I get frustrated trying to find just the right words. And then still other days I just forget or don't feel like anything of particular import happened. And unlike the blog, I can't rely on pictures to balance out where my narrative is lacking. I remember finding my journals from adolescence (OMG, I wish I still had them!) and feeling kind of sad and disappointed in myself that I only ever wrote when I was sad or angry or angsty (which admittedly WAS often, but not always). I don't like the idea of only memorializing the bad things, and there's so much research around  gratitudes, but at the same time, I knew I wanted to keep a record both good and bad. 

I have scores of partially completed journals. Gratitude journals. Bullet journals. A notebook of funny things the kids said that I'm really sorry I didn't keep up on. All of them petered out either because they turned into bitch sessions or I got busy or I got writer's block or life happened. I have one journal that stops abruptly the day my dad died, and it felt too symbolic and weird to have a time gap so I just...didn't. So even though all evidence pointed to the idea that I was not a daily journaler, I still wanted to be. That's what was so attractive to me when I first starting hearing about the idea of a "One sentence journal."  (This is a great article that talks about the idea) So a couple years ago I gifted myself one for Christmas and then let it sit in anticipation until January 1 (I couldn't start the journal on December 26th because I'm not a psychopath, obviously). 

I have missed, I think, a total of about three days over the last two years. I love this journal and this year it's been so interesting to see what I wrote the year before. Kind of my own personal "On this day in history." For example, on this date last year apparently the most salient thing that happened is that C and I argued about ant farms. 

What I love about this format is that there is no pressure. Each page is split into fifths, so you really only get about two sentences. Many days are just a funny thing a kid said, or something notable in the news, or just "God. Some days are SO LONG." But they're also things that would have gotten blurred in the totality of my memories from last year. Instead, I get a tiny, crystal clear glimpse back. 

My grandma kept a journal all of her adult life and while I never got to see them, I love hearing my mom describe them. After she died, my mom snuck into her room to peek at them, to see what the most innermost thoughts of a very stoic, pragmatic mid-western woman were. Each day she noted the high and low temperatures (SO mid-Western!) and a brief sentence or two about the day's events. When she looked back to the day my grandfather died, it was a high of 72 and a low of 57. "Bill died." It's about the most Juanita thing she could have written and I love it so much. I hope someday that my kids will peek into my stash of line-a-day journals to see what I wrote and discover that on December 15th, 2020 the prison their mom worked at declared their first COVID outbreak and remember that on November 26th, 2021 we watched Son-in-Law and ordered Chipotle. 

Gratitude 29/30: Truth

I have been deep in my feelings for a few days. This year has been rough, and this week was especially rough, and on top of all that we can throw in PMS and holiday crazy/anxiety, just for funsies. 

I WANTED to lay in bed after work and eat my weight in chocolate while I watched dumb tv. But I knew that the truth was that I would feel better if I went to class (even if the WOD had 50 thrusters.)

The truth hurts (and so do my legs). 

Gratitude 28/30: Technology

 I agreed to take Sydney to meet her friends for coffee this morning. I also agreed to sit far away and pretend that I didn’t know them. I had big plans to sip coffee and read for an hour but halfway here I reached into my purse and realized that I FORGOT MY BOOK. So I’m especially grateful for technology today, which is allowing me to pivot and watch Ted Lasso instead 

*Update: It was a really sad episode and I 100% cried in the corner of Starbucks. In front of three tween girls. So that’s awesome

The empty spot where my book should be :(

Gratitude 17/30: Beauty

There’s something about this season that makes me want to start making things. I saw these today and I really want to make a pair. Aren’t they pretty?!

I asked before I took this picture, but that didn’t make it any less weird

 

 

Gratitude 26/30: Weather

 I’m going to take a pass on this one too, since when a California girl talks about weather in mid-November, they tend to look like a real asshole. 

But it IS cozy weather. This morning after waking up FAR too early for a holiday weekend I quietly crawled out of bed and snuck downstairs with big plans to snuggle up on the couch, drink my coffee, and finish my book, all in wonderful, glorious silence. 

Sydney stumbled down about thirty minutes later and I reminded myself to be grateful for the time I got blah blah blah. But then she curled up next to me and went right back to sleep. 

An hour later I was up two cups and had finished my book and she was still snuggled in. It was amazing

Gratitude 25/30: Family

 Happy Thanksgiving!

Gratitude 23/30: Knowledge

 Here is a thing I have learned/am learning. 

Give me a scarcity mindset and I lose my ever loving mind. Give me a scarcity mindset and throw in a good dose of FOMO, and I lose my mind AND all of my money. And my time. And my ability to have a reasonable conversation. Turns out that I am 100% absolutely NOT a moderator

This post brought to you by the nap dress. 

A friend of mine is OBSESSED with these dresses, and wears them daily. They look adorable on her. So I checked out the website. They're cute. The smocking is precious. They are...not cheap. But it's an investment! The whole concept is that they are cute enough to dress up but comfy enough that you can (and are encouraged) to literally sleep in them. So I join a FB page (in retrospect, here's where it went off the rails.) Then I find out there's a DROP! Like, patterns that no one has had. And then the drop happened and the dresses sold out fast and all of the sudden I became OBSESSED with getting one. But of course, now I couldn't because they were sold out. I could buy on the FB page, but the prices were super jacked up and I didn't feel great about sending a stranger a bunch of money for a dress that I didn't know would fit etc. 

Guys? I have now bought FOUR. One from my friend, and then three from the website when there was a rare restock which I was alerted to by the thousands of women on FB. And here's the thing. It's not super flattering on me. Turns out small chests + big ribs + smocking is NOT the cutest look. I figured that out on the first dress. But nevertheless I persisted. 

Today on the FB page someone posted about a DIFFERENT brand of dress that is both more my style AND cheaper and suddenly it was like the Reasonable Adult Angels sang and the Logical Sun shone again. I don't need to force these dresses to work just because lots of other people adore them. I'm a grown woman and can wear, or not wear, whatever I want. And I don't want four dresses that make me look like one of those match-a-head books where the bottom half is 12 and the top half is 40. I can just, stop obsessing about it. So I'm committing to my recover plan. One of the dresses is pretty cute, so I might keep it. The others I'll either return or sell, before I take myself out of the group (because that's not a great influence.) And then I'll buy the cute flattering one for cheaper on Friday :P

I am such a sucker for the "Must Have" I even googled it this morning trying to figure out what to get Averson for Christmas (my other two literally have socks on their lists). If you are a fellow sufferer of Must Have FOMO, what tricks do you have to keep yourself in check? I need your best ideas! And if you have any good ideas for a fun Christmas present for an eight year old that is NOT a living, breathing, animal, throw those my way too

Gratitude Challenge 21-22: Home and Animals

I made a point to prioritize my reset yesterday, even though we had a lot of running around to do, and I am definitely grateful for it today. My plants are watered, my laundry is done, my carpets are vacuumed, and we spent a stupid amount of money on food at Costco and Raleys. Costco trips are always one of those touchstones that remind me how far we've come from being really, really broke. What an absolute privilege it is to be able to buy what we need (and a few things we want), when we need to. 

I'm doubling up today since we were so busy yesterday. I'm also grateful for my cozy house that is filled with these ridiculous old hellbeasts. They're obnoxious and fat and stinky (OMG. SO stinky) and I love them an awful lot. 

 

Gratitude 20/30: Creativity

I challenged myself to only use examples from today. It was a fun project :)

 

Gratitude 19/30: Fun

When Eli was a baby, it became vitally important to me that we get family pictures taken. This was back in the olden days before selfies and we lived far away from family, so there weren't a ton of pictures of the three of us, and it obviously NEEDED to be a professional picture. So I agonized over our outfits (SO much thought went into this to land on matching v-neck black sweaters.) We dedicated a whole afternoon to trekking to the mall to go to JCPenny's (a step above the Walmart studio but not quite as fancy as Picture People) and sit in a back corner smiling for what I was absolutely certain would be the most beautiful and lasting testament of our new family ever. I waited with bated breath while the photographer pulled up our proofs, gazed upon the computer monitor, and then promptly burst into tears. Tears that did not stop for HOURS. I was four months postpartum, crazy, and not prepared for a photograph that would so perfectly capture all of my insecurities. 

I wish I could tell her now that eventually not only would family pictures not make her cry, but they'd actually be fun. That she wouldn't freak out when people changed their outfits multiple times at the last minute, resulting in a lot more beige than she'd originally planned but totally ended up working. That no one would pee on anyone else. That she wouldn't have to bribe or cajole or threaten anyone to listen, look at the camera, for the love of God would it kill you to smile? 

And that the most she'd have to assure the photographer that we wouldn't implicate her if her family ended up getting arrested for trespassing on an unattended city truck. Totally worth it.

 

Gratitude 18/30: Nope

 Okay. Real talk. Today's prompt is "Self-Love" and honestly, everything I thought of had to do with *ahem* self-love or was so saccharine/cliché that I felt a little nauseous. Neither of those are really on brand, so I'm practicing self-compassion by deviating from the prompt today. Because while routine is wonderful, sometimes self-care means changing it up. 

So how about a generic update instead? 

We have family pictures this week and I'm about thisclose to cancelling the whole thing. One of my children, who shall remain nameless but who does not tolerate anxiety well, is freaking the freak out about their outfit and has changed it about 7 times in the last 24 hours. Each time, I'm slightly more tolerant and so this may be a really sophisticated manipulation because I've gone from a certain color scheme and level of formality to "I don't care. Just make sure it doesn't have food on it." And honestly I'm assuming the photographer can edit out the food so we're sliding fast. Alternative option is that our Christmas card this year is just a professional picture of me and stick figures of the rest of the family. 

I met my 2021 reading goal this week and according to Goodreads I'm 9 books ahead of schedule. I'm not sure I'll read nine more by the end of the year, but maybe! I've read some really good ones so far. 

I've also started Christmas shopping/list making. We're pulling back on screens a bit after recognizing that some of us are much happier without, which is lovely but has also cut down on viable gift options quite a bit. I'm thinking that this year is going to be a little more reserved. I really love the "want, need, wear, read" convention and so without tech, I'm focusing on "read." It's been fun to comb through booklists trying to find ones that suit each of the kids and their interests. Averson is reader so choosing her books has been easy, but I'm hoping I can get a few books that Eli and Sydney will be excited about too. I'd love any recommendations anyone has! Eli likes memoirs and Sydney typically likes believable fiction. If you have an 8-11 year old, on Averson's list so far is the Unicorn Rescue Society series and the Avatar graphic novels. I think I might get her the Tuesdays at the Castle series too. That seems like her gig. 

I'm also combing through my Read list to find books to give as adult gifts. Have you gotten a book as a gift that was a delight or a slam dunk? I love to gift books since as adults, we typically buy anything we really need or want for ourselves. 

Other things... A really wonderful friend has been making soup every week for my mom, and it's inspired me to up my soup game too. So far I've made a pumpkin soup that sucked the first day, and then was amazing as leftovers, a vegetarian chili with lentils, and a really good chicken and gnocchi. My friend delivered a parsnip and pear soup that was a huge hit and a broccoli soup that I put over meatballs and literally licked the bowl after. 

We're back to being busy despite all my best efforts. Eli had his first high school wrestling meet yesterday, Averson is finishing out soccer, and because of course, C took on the middle school basketball team after their coach quit. My efficiency muscles are a bit rusty, but we're getting there. And we've still managed to start Squid Games which, I know we're behind the times a bit but seriously, WTF? I finish every episode thinking "Why am I doing this to myself?" 

Gratitude 17/30: Food

They are eating out of coffee mugs with mixing spoons. We are so invested in our ice cream situation that we don’t even let the mysterious disappearance of most of my spoons stand in our way. 

Edit because it aligns with the theme for today: I'm reading this article about Trader Joes and just came across the fact that the owner/CEO intentionally made efforts in the 70's to employ women full-time in the stores. Since he also wanted to ensure that all employees could do all of the tasks, he also intentionally did not stock any product that came in cases weighing over 40 pounds. This seems like pretty masterful allieship, right? What do you think? 

16/30: Growth

 How long do we think I’m going to let this go? I’m vaccinated and there’s nothing stopping me from getting a haircut, but here we are…

Relatedly, anyone want to style me? Just tell me what to do with it and I’ll be forever grateful

Gratitude 14-15/30: Routine and Work

 Phew! This posting every day thing is no joke! I do much better during the week, when I'm already in computer-mode. So today is a two-fer. 

I talk often with patients about the importance of routine, especially when you are anxious or stressed. Routine takes some of the decision making energy off the table and provides structure and boundaries when the world feels chaotic. It also guarantees that the coffee is ready and you have clean clothes for the week. I know for myself that I really need this, and I feel it when it doesn't happen. 

Like yesterday. I have gotten into the routine of using Sunday mornings as an opportunity to reset. I order my groceries, I do a more thorough clean of the common areas, run C and my laundry, vacuum and pick up my bedroom, and organize the calendar for the week. Then by the time the Sunday evening panic sets in, I'm already set and ready for the week ahead and I have the space and energy to tie up any loose ends that might come up. Yesterday, instead we spontaneously decided to go check out the new fish ladder and then go out to brunch (at Denny's, so fancy!). That pushed a lot of my planning/cleaning back, but then my first chore on the list was finalize family picture outfits and that ended up taking WAY longer than expected and resulted in a panicked marathon of shopping yesterday evening because I had everyone dialed in except myself and the only thing that coordinated was the dress I wore last year and I just could not accept wearing the same dress two years in a row. And because that got pushed, I didn't end up making dinner and had to pick up junk. And then over french fries C and I realized that it's No School November and that Averson has early dismissal all week, but of course the other two don't and we hadn't figured out the logistics and she's only partially vaccinated meaning that carpooling still feels a little uncomfortable, and that screwed up the whole calendar and will require that someone gives something up every day. On top of some other less blog-appropriate stressors, I sort of feel like I fell exceptionally short this week. 

                                              

                     Not pictured: the dress I found at the THIRD store I went to last night

So my gratitude post turned into a whiny lamentation of all my short-comings, but I also am reminded how important it is to be a little proactive and how grateful I am for the weeks when being proactive is built into the routine. I gave myself a pep talk on the way into work this morning (because I was starting to spin deep) and I'm feeling a little bit better. I'm going to take a little time today to see what I can organize (like maybe going to the gym in the morning? God help me that's early). I'm also going to take my own advice and acknowledge that this week will likely be a shit show, but that's okay. 

Watching fish. They were both SO into it 

World Kindness Day (13/30)

I bought this patch at a craft fair today in honor of today’s gratitude challenge. My kids are at that awesome age where there’s a lot of snark and bickering, so I’m trying to keep Lag Liv’s mantra of “If you can’t be kind, be quiet” in the forefront of my mind. We are a house that loves teasing and sarcasm, and while it’s funny and good natured, it definitely tints the vibe

Gratitude Challenge 12/30: Music

 A teensy bit of a stretch, I’ll admit. I took today off and we had a delightful day. We started with a 6 mile hike (that people didn’t complain *much* about.) Then lunch at an actual restaurant and Syd asked if we could go to the gym. 

It was Averson’s movie night and she picked Spin (super cute Disney movie about a DJ.  The girl is so confident and sweet) and hot dogs and ice cream. 

Gratitude Challenge 11/30: Seasons

I took all three of these on my way to work. Fall is, and always will be, my absolute favorite. I mean, does it get any cozier than this? The fog and the leaves and the chill in the air (it's California, so by "chill" I mean "Can wear a sweater without dying of heatstroke"). It's just perfection. And it's the perfect weather for all of my favorite things. If you need me, I'll be curled up with a book, drinking something warm, while chili simmers on the stove. 

 

Gratitude Challenge 10/30: Change

 "You are not a tree. If you don't like where you are, you can change." 

This is one of my favorite mantras (along with "We can do hard things") because, as C has so helpfully pointed out, I am prone to satisfaction. Especially with jobs. I've stayed in jobs that were really, really not good for me because they were "fine." My last job was wonderful and I loved it, which made leaving hard. It was the right decision, but it was hard. My new job is good too. It's fine. But it is definitely different. I was trying to explain it to a friend the other day, and the best way I can say it is that I feel like I'm having adrenaline withdrawals. As a chief, my job at it's core was to lead in the face of chaos. There was a lot of chaos. In my current job, I talk to people, I help them, and then I go home. There is very little chaos. 

Her response was, "Maybe what you needed right now was less chaos, so you have the energy to deal with everything else?" It was such a moment of profound clarity. Yes, my job right now is less exciting. I go to work, I do my job, I go home. Not great for party stories. But it also affords me the time and energy to support my mom, to go to the gym nearly every day, to deal with all the shenanigans that my kids are shenaniganing lately. 

I'm always touting work-life balance, but it never occurred to me that it may take a big change to be able to adjust when I needed to. So today I'm grateful for the change, and that I was brave enough to make it. Even if my days are a bit more tedious and less stabby these days (for now, I'm ignoring a call from the school so that may change SMH). 

Gratitude Challenge 9/30: Friendship

The last few weeks have, from a parenting perspective, been...not great. The kids are older (and as I recently found out, take screenshots of the blog) so I won't go into details, but let's just say that I recently bought a shit ton of parenting books for "work" but really to manage my own stress and anxiety. Side note: If you have any recommendations, please leave a comment!

 

When you have toddlers and Littles, it always feels so patronizing when older parents look at you knowingly and give you some bullshit cliché like "Little kids, little problems." So I'm apologizing now if I've ever said that to you but I'm also apologizing if I ever rolled my eyes when you said it to me. Because guys? Parenting teens and tweens is NOT for the weak. And I have a theory.

Sleep, potty training, tantrums, virtual kindergarten; these are all pretty universal. Plop me in a room of moms with kids between 0 and 6 and I promise we'll find common ground to lament upon. Put me in the same room, but with parents of 11-16 year olds, and I will not say a goddamn word. Because beyond "OMG the attitude," the problems that we're all facing start to feel a lot more unique, and a more consequential. And because they're unique, it's so much easier to fall into the trap of feeling like you're the only one dealing with it, or even worse (and more honestly) that they're somehow a reflection of our failings as parents. Add into that growing up in a small town where people still remember (and reference) things that happened 30 years ago and you clam up real, real quick. 

That makes weeks like we've been having lately feel really, really lonely. C and I do a pretty good job these days of processing things together, but at the same time, I find myself yearning to talk it through with someone who doesn't live in my house. At the same time, I'm cognizant that I don't want my kids to be judged by a moment in time or a situation that isn't presented objectively. No one wants to be remembered as the angsty teen who once screamed "You don't  know what love is!" to her mother (or so I'm told). 

All that to say, I am so, so grateful for the couple of friends that I have who love, and know, my kids well enough that I feel confident that I can bitch about whatever it is that they're doing and know that it won't change my friend's opinion of them. It has been such a blessing to be able to say, "I don't know what I'm doing and I'm afraid I'm going to fuck it all up" or "It would be wrong to call them an asshole, right?" and be met with a smile, an encouraging word, and a reminder that my kids are pretty awesome, even when they're not.  

Gratitude Challenge 8/30: Nature

 I have NEVER been able to keep houseplants alive. Seriously. I killed a 50 year old Jade plant. I killed ivy from my wedding, at a house literally surrounded by invasive ivy. I killed spider plants and cacti. If it was green, I was killing it. I kind of figured that I was already keeping so many other life forms alive that I should just accept my limitations and move on. 

But then! I planted this funny little succulent from Trader Joes in a pot in the front yard and before I knew it, the thing had blown up. Then a friend gifted me a Jade plant for a housewarming gift and it didn't die. Then a rubber tree impulse buy, then a nerve plant that dramatically wilts when it's thirsty, and so on and so forth. And now I'm a person with plants in my house. Lots of them! (Maybe even too many. Who knows?) For my birthday C took me to a nursery and I asked the guy working there "Will I kill this one?" and when he asked how I do with other houseplants I sheepishly admitted that I'd been keeping several alive for enough time to discount luck as the reason. 

It's a funny little hobby and I love it. I exclaim genuinely when I notice new growth and even texted a picture of a baby leaf to a friend. Plus it makes my house feel cozy :) 

Plant gifts (all still alive!) 

Baby leaf! 

Gratitude challenge 7/30: Love

I don’t know about you, but starting November 1 I am fully in holiday shopping mode, and I LOVE gift guides. These are some of the things that I have absolutely loved, and that if I ever get around to hosting a Favorite Things party will be at the top of my list. 

These clips for the car. They will 100% change your life and I promise that you need them. I hang my water bottle and my purse from them and when I hit the brakes nothing falls onto the floor! 

This travel mug/coffee press. It’s sturdy AND fancy! 

This fanny pack was the MVP of our Disney trip. This one from Lululemon was my first pick, but it didn’t get delivered in time. Now I have both because I guess I’m a two fanny pack person now? 

Vinyl sticker packs. I'm obsessed with these and you get SO many for so cheap. Who doesn't love stickers? 

Silicone Baking Mat. I am NOT a fancy baker. What I am though, is a lazy kitchen cleaner and these mats make it so much easier to clean up. 

Help me out. What little things do you love that would make awesome gifts (for a Favorite Things party or otherwise)? 

Gratitude Challenge 6/30: Courage

 We went to San Francisco! To a concert! With people! AND I wore a crop top. 

Last time we went to a hip hop concert I got really sick because I’m so square that I’m literally allergic to marijuana. Turns out the masks are doubly awesome now. No COVID and I didn’t puke. 

It’s weird to start doing normal things again, with strangers, but everyone had to show vaccine cards which made me feel a bit better. And it was so fun to date my husband for a night :)

Gratitude Challenge 5/30: Health (alternative title: "Another Fucking Post About CrossFit?")

 A vegan, an Atheist, and a CrossFitter walk into a bar. How do you know? Because they won't shut up about it. 

Over the last six months or so, I've lost nearly 20 pounds, averaged 5 workouts/week, and stopped drinking sodas. It's the first time in my life that my focus has been on being stronger/healthier rather than on being smaller, and it's probably connected that it's the first time that my efforts haven't felt like self-flagellation. 

I've been tracking my food, which in the past has been a bit of a minefield for me. Last night I plugged in the Reese's Peanut Butter Cups (full-size, both cups) without a second thought. I'm sleeping better. I'm sore a lot of the time (in a good way) but my body feels strong and effective. My anxiety is so much less impactful and I feel overall more balanced and centered. I'm a huge nerd and sometimes will video myself in the gym. I was watching my latest tape this week and fleetingly noticed that my belly was...not shown in the most flattering light. I noticed it, and then moved on. I didn't obsess over it. I didn't get rid of that shirt or lament that my efforts weren't working or even let that stop me from sharing the video with a friend. I just...noticed. 

It's really nice to fit into my clothes in a new way that I think is more visually appealing. What's even nicer is FEELING cute. It's awesome to break 100 lbs on a lift that I've been working on. It's even nicer to FEEL strong. Someone made one of those obnoxious "29?" jokes when they heard it was my birthday (BTW, that's obnoxious and patronizing and I wish people wouldn't do it) and while I did the stupid polite laugh, inside I wanted to say that I feel better now than I did for most of my 30s. 

I am so grateful to finally be in a place of feeling good about my body and my health choices and even more-so, I'm grateful that my kids are in a house right now where they see their parents prioritizing wellness and health. 

C says, "Hey! You! You're doing a great job!" 

Gratitude Challenge 4/30: Laughter

 As I was thinking about this prompt yesterday, I knew that I wanted to feature Sydney's laugh. I searched and searched for a video so that you all could hear her giggle and understand how magical it is. Her giggle is the unicorn covered in magical stardust and it's rare and fleeting but oh man. When you get it, it's pretty awesome. 

It's so awesome that it made me decide NOT to storm into the bathroom at 9:30 last night when I heard the hair clippers buzzing and had no idea what was happening, despite knowing that I have already paid the deposit and bought the outfits for family pictures in ten days. I waited anxiously, even after hearing Sydney say, "I think I can fix it." I figured once they were in it, better to let them finish whatever was happening than to interrupt it half-way. Also I was tired and didn't want to yell. 

Gratitude Challenge 3/30: Color

 

I snapped this picture on the way out the door this morning (hence the fog and skeletal dog). This is one of my favorite little corners of the house. I absolutely love the orange chairs, and now with the green plants it's the most delightful little happy when I walk down the stairs first thing in the morning. 

My decorating style has always been a little "give me the big box of crayons with the built-in sharpener" but when it comes together like this it really makes my heart sing. If you want to play along tell me what colors you're grateful for today! 

Halloween/Birthday Photo Dump (also, turns out I wore three different costumes?)

I work in an office now where people dress up for Halloween AND I can wear denim. So of course I had to channel Rosie. Averson declared this the perfect office costume since it's not offensive, not distracting, AND I can sit in it. Agreed on all fronts. 

Because I'm a grown-up, I don't get a lot of birthday presents anymore which made it that much more exciting when a package from a friend showed up with these delightful shower steamer things (even better since I'm not a bath person) and a Crossfit keychain

And speaking of CrossFit. I got up at 7:00 on a Saturday to work out as Snow White and it was SO FUN. Even if the workout had wall walks which are... not great in a running skirt. But how cute is this outfit?!  

Birthday donuts are the best donuts 

Weeks ago I told C that I wanted to go out to breakfast and then to a local plant shop/vintage mall for my birthday. Then on Saturday night the shop announced on their IG that they were going to be closed for the holiday. I maybe pouted a little (or a lot) but C rallied and found another shop to go to. Eli joined us and it was the BEST morning. 

They 100% bought these hats

My pretties! 

I don't know who I've become, but I like her and she keeps things alive with more frequency than not. 

After plant shopping shenanigans, I cleaned my house and got everyone ready for Halloween. Usually I don't like school night Halloween, but this one was totally lovely and everyone was done by 9:00. 

The first year that my three aren't in the same picture. I only cried a tiny bit :( 

Sydney and her friend were matching Peppa Pigs, Averson was Mulan, and Eli was some rando thing that his friends put together and is likely just an excuse to flex. 

My mom handout out candy and was super spooky, and also kind of looked like an animatronic decoration. Also also, I bought this shawl at the nursery and it's my new favorite thing. 

Once the crowd was done trick-or-treating, Sydney asked if she and I could hit another couple of streets. Then we came home and sorted her haul while we watched Gilmore Girls. She giggled and was delightful and used hashmarks to count everything because she's a giant neurotic nerd and I love her. 

I also love this red sweat suit more than is reasonable and put it back on last night. So that's another thing I do now is wear matching sweats in ridiculous colors unironically.