Showing posts with label its amazing I keep them alive. Show all posts
Showing posts with label its amazing I keep them alive. Show all posts
Wednesday, April 4, 2012
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
You'd think I'd learn
Yes, I know. She's not two yet. Oh, sweet precious baby and all that. But you and I both know that she's been two since the day she was born. I forget certain things about Syd, and about two year olds in general, and so I find myself getting completely flustered, agitated, and angry over things that are 100% predictable. So in the case that I ever have another two year old, I'm writing this handy-dandy list for myself.
1) Don't leave markers lying around. Don't leave pens lying around. Don't leave crayons unattended. For the love of God, drill into C's head that he will never, in no uncertain terms, leave any of his millions of sharpies lying around. Because you or someone like you will fail at this, try baby wipes, then toothpaste, then nail polish remover. Then cry, then touch up the paint/shampoo the chair/give up. It's not like this is the first time.
2) Don't suggest that anything's a choice if really it's not. "Do you want to change your diaper?" rarely is answered in the affirmative. Neither is "Do you want to take a bath?," "Do you want to sit on your bottom?," "Do you want to put on your pants?," or "Do you want to stop coloring on the walls?"
3) Walk away. There is no reasoning with crazy people, and two year olds are crazy. You know better. When you do this in public, other people judge you and you look like an idiot. An idiot trying to reason with a tiny human who is currently screaming and pounding the floor. Just grab her and walk away. Oh, and hold on tight. Because she IS going to either go completely rigid or completely dead weight, and then you'll be the asshole mom who nearly drops her screaming toddler as she's speedwalking out of Target.
4) Order in. Do not, repeat, do not try to go to a restaurant unless it specifically caters to parents of toddlers. A two year old has no interest in sitting for the duration of a meal at home. In public? You're lucky to get ten minutes. Then see #3. Really, it's just so much easier to order in. You'll all be happier for it, and no one has to wear pants.
5) Cherish the kisses, hugs, sleepy bedhead, " 'Ank You Mama"s, crazy laughs, break your heart adorable-ness. It's God's way of making sure you don't sell her.
1) Don't leave markers lying around. Don't leave pens lying around. Don't leave crayons unattended. For the love of God, drill into C's head that he will never, in no uncertain terms, leave any of his millions of sharpies lying around. Because you or someone like you will fail at this, try baby wipes, then toothpaste, then nail polish remover. Then cry, then touch up the paint/shampoo the chair/give up. It's not like this is the first time.
2) Don't suggest that anything's a choice if really it's not. "Do you want to change your diaper?" rarely is answered in the affirmative. Neither is "Do you want to take a bath?," "Do you want to sit on your bottom?," "Do you want to put on your pants?," or "Do you want to stop coloring on the walls?"
3) Walk away. There is no reasoning with crazy people, and two year olds are crazy. You know better. When you do this in public, other people judge you and you look like an idiot. An idiot trying to reason with a tiny human who is currently screaming and pounding the floor. Just grab her and walk away. Oh, and hold on tight. Because she IS going to either go completely rigid or completely dead weight, and then you'll be the asshole mom who nearly drops her screaming toddler as she's speedwalking out of Target.
4) Order in. Do not, repeat, do not try to go to a restaurant unless it specifically caters to parents of toddlers. A two year old has no interest in sitting for the duration of a meal at home. In public? You're lucky to get ten minutes. Then see #3. Really, it's just so much easier to order in. You'll all be happier for it, and no one has to wear pants.
5) Cherish the kisses, hugs, sleepy bedhead, " 'Ank You Mama"s, crazy laughs, break your heart adorable-ness. It's God's way of making sure you don't sell her.
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
Random random random
So I present to you
Eli's new trick
and subsequent head injury
Sydney's duck face
Yoga pants I MADE (out of an old turtleneck, how green am I?)
On the work front, we've gotten a huge influx of new inmates and so we've been really, really busy and it's a been a bit chaotic. Add to that that the state just announced that they will be laying people off and work's been a little tense. I'm trying not to think about it too much because like most things around here, it's going to be months before anything happens. BUT if you happen to want to hire a psychologist who is most often described as "real" and will likely show up to work with banana smeared across her shoulder, you may have found your girl.
Speaking of head injuries, my kids have been knocking their noggins like nobody's business. We had Eli on the swingset. Then he knocked Sydney off that little climber backwards. This morning C tried to start a pillow fight with Eli and gave him a black eye. Then at the doctor's office Syd fell and gave herself a giant goose-egg. I'm starting to think I should be socking away money for future neurologists bills.
Like I said, random. I do have some posts brewing, including one about how I accidentally agreed to start training for a half marathon. In two months. At the crack of dawn. Eeek!
Saturday, August 6, 2011
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