Thursday, March 30, 2017

Facebook Memories

Facebook Memories brought up this gem yesterday from Eli's first day of preschool in Fresno. Note the teeny little rodeo belt. If I remember right, the backpack was an awesome SpiderMan number.  

And as luck would have it Eli was wearing almost the exact same outfit. So of course we had to recreate the picture (he took the posing VERY seriously). No teeny belt but this kid is so big now that he picks me up off the ground and wears bigger shoes than I do. 

Tuesday, March 21, 2017

All I've been doing is spending money

And I have no pictures to show for it. Eli has his first Boy Scout "outing" this weekend, and I grossly misunderstood what it was he was doing when I signed him up and paid my $50. I knew they would be camping, and the leader talked about a 5 mile hike, but I stopped listening at that point. That is, until C started compulsively listing off packing lists that didn't make any sense. I assumed that the boys, and several parents, would be parking, unloading gear into a camp spot, teaching the boys how to put up enormous tents, and then trekking off to a "grueling" 5 mile hike. I also assumed that I could get away with sending him with a hodgepodge of gear from our stash, and maybe new boots if I got a good deal on them.

OMG. This is why every kid event should send home paperwork. We went to the REI garage sale to see about *maybe* getting a few of the basics and only got the boots (but yay!) We decided to go check out the full price packs, so that we could start budgeting and also to have an idea of size etc. As we were looking, on a whim, I thought I'd call the troop leader just to make sure I had the basics covered. You know where this is going, right?

So no. No hodgepodge and no car camping. The WHOLE troop (from 10-17 year olds) is backpacking 5 miles, carrying all. the. things. before they will be setting up camp in the wilderness. There will be NO adults except the troop leaders.

Just so you get an idea of what we're facing, we don't allow our kids to do sleepovers. And now I'm sending him off into the woods with strangers to share a tent with a kid he doesn't know and hoping that he won't die (or be weird or get picked on.) So what's a mom (and a dad, don't let him fool you) do with all that anxiety? We buy shit. We bought the boots. And the pack. Last night I made a rush trip to the sporting goods store for the sleeping bag and gear clips. I just talked to C today and he's buying "non-cotton underwear."

This month was supposed to be a continuation of the frugality we were experimenting with last month, and instead I've broken out the credit cards we just paid off to buy backpacking gear I wasn't planning for. Everytime I think about it I want to puke a little. But then I think how cool it is that my 10 year old is going on a 5 mile backpacking trip without either of us and that's pretty awesome.

So, I guess what I'm asking is this. Please, for the love of all things holy, let this kid go on at least two more trips so I don't feel stupid for buying that damn pack.

Tuesday, March 14, 2017

80 degrees and stir crazy

I am the world's worst teacher. I literally finished this week's reading 45 minutes before class, and I'm pretty confident that my class is going to be awesome tonight. I've also declared that I'm not doing PowerPoints this term. This serves two purposes: 1) the students actually have to pay attention to what's going on in class and 2) I don't have to prep PowerPoints. Win win?

In other news

It is 80 degrees today. I am wholly unprepared to completely skip Spring, but I did appreciate the chance to break out my sunglasses

And because there's no such thing as awesome timing, Syd got this ENORMOUS cast on today, just in time for the warm weather. 

The orthopedist today spent about 6 minutes with us, but without asking he printed out a picture of the x-ray (that I completely regretted not taking in the ER) so Syd could have a picture of her arm. He also reiterated, "It's a very unusual break." We are nothing if not unique, I guess. He was less reassuring about that than they were Saturday, so here's hoping unusual doesn't equal complicated. The break is the squiggly lines on the bottom, if, like me, you looked at it and said "Yay! Nothing broken!" Oh...

This guy had a whole schtick that Syd loved. However, he kept moving her f-ing arm, which made me clench every. single. time. See above re: not complicated. 
These fucking dogs. Don't they look sweet? They're not! Though Atticus is looking downright angelic in comparison. Scout has boundless energy and very little manners, which is a terrible combination. She keeps randomly peeing in the house, usually in doorways which is super gross, but always on the wood floors. At least Atticus stuck to the industrial tile. And she is chewing up all of C's stuff. So far we've lost a hat, a set of bluetooth headphones, a playstation controller, a back scratcher, every dog toy we've ever bought, a gift box, a dog bed, and my sanity. 

So two dogs and a kid who can't run, jump, or wrestle + 80 degree weather, taken with the general disapproval of familicide, led to the worlds worst walk ever. 
Not pictured: C trying to restrain butthead dogs barking at a man running by with his lovely well-behaved little terrier. Imagine barking, lunging wookies. 

Averson has her ears covered because "I don't want to hear your noises anymore!" 

I'm desperately googling "How to entertain a 6 year old with a broken arm" but it appears that "without defaulting to television because it makes kids shits" is not implied. I need help, interwebs. Any ideas? She's can't do any of the extracurriculars that she picked out now and she's getting stir crazy. We've got at least five more weeks left, including the epic 30+ hour roadtrip for Spring Break, and I'm still not drinking (eating disorder February continues!) so I need help!

Sunday, March 12, 2017

Tough Little Cookie

Sydney lost her second tooth on Friday afternoon, just as we were heading out to our library's annual book sale. Eli didn't lose any teeth until 3rd grade, so this whole "teeth falling out on time" thing is new to us. This one was particularly gross, but Syd was thrilled. AND the Tooth Fairy even remembered to come on the right night this time. So win all around!

A friend had offered a sitting swap with us so that we could go see a non-Disney moving on Saturday night. We had such a lovely, lazy Saturday that by evening-time I was tempted to cancel and rent something off Amazon with everyone. Then I remembered free baby-sitting and the chance to watch something violent/full of swear words and threw everyone in the car. C and I debated between Get Out and Logan, settling on Logan due to timing. (BTW, SO GOOD. I love superhero movies and I love Wolverine and this was such an awesome movie.) I drank a soda and snuck Girl Scout cookies in in my purse and it was a lovely evening.

As we were leaving my friend texted saying that I'd jinxed her when I joked about her needing her newly minted first aid card because Syd had fallen off a step-stool and hadn't stopped crying in 5 minutes. I texted her back "That's why we have spares" because I'm obviously a very nurturing mother. We got there though and Syd was still crying, and her poor elbow was about twice the size it should be. C and I debated for about three seconds before acknowledging that yes, we would be going to the ER tonight.

I dropped C, Eli, and Avery at the house, grabbed insurance cards, tablets, and books (not my first rodeo) and drove to our ER. Thankfully, they shuffled us along pretty quickly, although I will say that ERs are easier with littler kids who don't notice what's happening around them. "Mom, why is everyone running?" "Mom, why do they keep asking him where he is?" "Mom, why is that boy that color?" It was a pretty educational experience. And of course, crappy wifi and nothing good on the tablets so we entertained ourselves with selfies and snapchats, making us look like idiots when we got busted.

Once they got the x-rays, they confirmed that she had several fractures in her elbow. The doctor likened it to when your screen cracks (which also happened this weekend, gah, but priorities.) So basically her poor little arm has all these little fractures in it.  She's in a splint until the swelling goes down, and then she'll get a full arm cast. That girl really just rolls with things. Right away her primary concern was what color cast she was going to pick out.

Eli asked if he could be her "assistant" and even went so far as to learn how to put her sling on right. She held a Q&A at Girl Scouts and has started, at the suggestion of the nurse who did her splint, telling people she was in a sky diving accident. I'm now grateful that she'd already bailed on wrestling since obviously that's out for the next little bit. She's still pretty good-natured about it, even when you can tell it hurts, but tonight she stated incredulously, "Geez! This weekend I lost a tooth AND broke my arm!" Thank goodness the weekend's almost over. We're running out of parts.
One-armed coloring :) 

Friday, March 10, 2017

Canine ridiculousness

My kids are crazy people, and my dog was a nut, so I thought I'd go ahead and add another nut with too much energy to the mix. I think I'm going to have to start running again just so these two will stop destroying shit. Seriously. These are the remains of toyS I gave them TONIGHT.

The crate doesn't typically sit in the middle of the room like that. It's there because one dog sat in it while the other one pulled it across the room. Multiple times. And the crate is only out at all because one dog destroys shit and keeps peeing on my floor. But whenever she's in trouble we have to pull the other dog out of it first. 

Monday, March 6, 2017


I start teaching again this week after a long-ish hiatus, and I'm not near ready. So of course I have to update my blog/look at craft kids/clean my kitchen/all the things. I do love teaching but I also loved not working after work. But I also love the extra income and my sugar daddy prospects are pretty slim these days...

Anyhoo. I finished the Whole30(28) and only went off-plan twice (both as a guest who didn't want to be "that person.") I lost seven pounds, dropping below the weight that I've been stuck at for the past 18 months. I was hoping to lose more, but I keep reminding myself that seven is a solid win. I binged on pizza and girl scout cookies, only to come to the conclusion that apparently either sugar or grain (or maybe dairy, but probably not) has a significant negative impact on my mood. Seriously, I was so anhedonic the next day. And I couldn't eat cookies or carbs to make myself feel better, which was depressing. I'm back on the Whole30 (ish, I'm not worrying too much about minute amounts of sugar/grain in foods) and my mood is back to normal. Seriously, WTF?

I also went to a personal trainer a couple weeks ago! After my complaints about the bottle cap that was a permanent fixture at the gym, I "randomly" was selected for a free training session. Yes please! I'm always eyeing the TRX area, but I've been too afraid to try it out, for fear of strangling myself in front of strangers. I asked the trainer to help me get oriented and work out a few basic exercises. First though he went over my "workout goals" and calculated all of my numbers. Turns out that what I thought my goal weight should be is about ten pounds less than my actual ideal weight. Which means I'm that much closer! So yay! And I've been doing a TRX routine for the last couple weeks, focusing on my core and my upper body. Allegedly I can actually fix my three c-section belly (though we'll see how that pans out.) I like having something new to do in the gym. It's also REALLY hard and I'm sore in weird places.

Other things

Eli bridged from Cub Scouts to Boy Scouts. It was adorable and he was super into the ceremony. His new troop is pretty awesome and he's so excited. I'm excited because in Boy Scouts, the parents aren't expected to help or even attend many of the outings. I love my kid but he could use a little more autonomy. Also, I don't love hordes of pre-adolescent boys (shocker!)

They have an overnight outing at the end of the month, and Eli chose to not have one of us go as chaperones (C wanted to go, I did not.) I'm excited for him but also a little freaked out. He always seems so big and stinky, until I think about him sleeping in a tent alone in the woods. Then it's back to this

While we're on the topic of kids that got too big. Syd's been asking for fake glasses for over a month and I finally found a pair when we took Averson to the mall. They just happened to look just like mine. This is creepy and awesome all at the same time. 

I amwas having some serious fourth baby fever, with all my babies getting so big and all. On the other hand though, it is nice thinking that maybe I won't be fat forever and that I could wear a white shirt someday. The extra dog helps too. It took me five minutes to get through the crowd when I got home from work today and I am not my most awesome self when I'm being overrun by small bodies (no matter how cute they are). 

Sunday, March 5, 2017

And in other news, we got a new dog!

We found a new dog! This is Scout. We were starting to get dejected trying to find a good fit for Atticus, and had turned to an organization that helps pair families with rescued pit mixes with second dogs. They sent us to meet a "sweet energetic girl" and it was the worst thing ever. This dog had mange scars and just kept lunching and snarling at Atticus. Poor Atticus couldn't get away fast enough. Leaving there, we thought we'd just "swing by" this shelter that's deep in the downtown area (literally under an overpass) to see this little terrier we found on-line. We got there and she'd been adopted TWO MINUTES earlier. Gah. But then we wandered around and decided to meet this one year old mix. Once she hadn't eaten my children, we decided to let her meet Atticus. The trainer called it "one of the best meet and greets we've had in a very long time." She also called Atticus "well behaved" so maybe take that with a grain of salt.  

She had to stay at the shelter for another week because she hadn't been spayed yet, which gave us a chance to spend a ridiculous amount of money on new toys and pink glitter collars. She finally came home with the cone of shame and antibiotics for a cold (making my dogs officially more taken care of than my children.) 

She integrated so easily. The vet thinks that she hadn't been on her own very long because she's so normal acting. She doesn't bark and she hasn't chewed up too much that she's not supposed to. She gets up on the couch like she's allowed (she's not, except when C gets all softy on them.) She intermittently barks at Syd, which is kind of weird, but it hasn't bothered Syd yet. She and Atticus are pretty much inseparable. She stole his bed on the first night and he didn't even glance up. She's since been relocated to a crate for her inability to refrain from pissing in my hallway and eating C's new hat, but they're still pretty cozy and I keep having to pull Atticus out of the crate. 

I think maybe getting a second dog was a ludicrous idea. I went from our house being just maybe a touch too small but manageable to not being able to take three steps without tripping over someone. But she is very sweet and Atticus is really happy. Now if she'll just pee outside...

Wednesday, March 1, 2017

Stinky's Four!

My sweet, smart, sassy girl turned four today! She was very specific yesterday, saying, "Today I'm three but tomorrow I'll be four." This morning she told us, "It's my birthday and when it's my birthday I'm in charge of everything I know. And I know you so I'm in charge of parents today." Can't argue with that logic. This girl is so cool that it *almost* distracted me from thinking about how this might be my last three year old ever. Sunrise sunset and all that.  Also, I just found this while looking for my post after Averson was born

I think her size, coupled with all the concerns in the hospital, has reminded me that she is so little and vulnerable. Which, of course, means that this will be the kid with the record for most broken bones/bruises/flying leaps from trees. We almost named her "Avery Danger" and she may live up to that nickname.

Traditional Birthday Donuts

The Bigs bought her presents, and wrapped them, on their own this year (swoon). I think watching her open her gifts, and watching them watch her, was the highlight of the day. They were so thoughtful in their choices (Pokeman stuffed animals plus a few cards from Eli, a Paw Patrol puzzle and journal from Sydney) and she is the most fun person to give things to ever. C and I gave her four rolls of washi tape because, as she sings often, all she needs is sparkles and sticky stuff to suceeeeeeeed!

We forewent a costly birthday party in the interest of Project Adulting (aka Stop Bleeding Money.) Instead, I took the day off so that I could take her to Build A Bear. What I forgot is 1) Build a Bear is a fine tuned racket and 2) There's a reason we don't go to the mall. I should have thrown her the damn party. Also, I told her she could go anywhere she wanted to for lunch and she picked McDonalds. SMH.
She chose to build a Chase. The bath station was a highlight. 

Spending birthday money from the grandparents

You can't tell, but that box is bulging with "Sure. I guess so. It is your birthday!" accessories. 

Bonus carousal ride. She was worried that the dragon might be hurt because he wasn't flying when she asked him to.

Worth it. 
She chose to go to the Spaghetti Factory for dinner, and for the first time ever and much to everyone's delight we were seated in the train car. The wait staff sang to Avery when they brought her ice cream. I so wish I'd video'ed it. She does this awesome thing were if she starts to get nervous or is about to take a risk, she very quietly takes a deep breath and visibly re-centers. Then she enjoys the moment. I could see her start to get overwhelmed when everyone in the restaurant was singing, but she took her deep breath, folded her little hands in her lap, and enjoyed the moment. 

There aren't words that can accurately convey how cool this girl is. She is smart in a way that continuously takes you by surprise. She's also conniving. Yesterday she asked a friend who'd stopped by, "Do you know where Walmart is?" When he said "yes" she then matter-of-factly explained, "Tomorrow's my birthday. I really want a Paw Patrol toy." "Oh? Is that so?" "Yes! So since you know where Walmart is, you can go get it for me!" She does set ups like this ALL. THE. TIME. She told me this morning that when she grew up she thought she'd get a "Mom job." I asked her what she would do in her mom job and she said, "Say bad words." She wants to swear so badly. She loves animals a lot, but in a gentle way. She'd pet every dog she saw if the owners would let her. She doesn't put up with being the littlest or the youngest, and when a boy was picking on her friend tonight at the indoor playground, of four kids and two moms, she stormed over there demanding action first. She loves to love and is the best hugger. She is sweet and compassionate and mischievious and just the most fun three four year old.