Friday, March 30, 2012

No work

Sydney says "I love you" and "Love you too, Mama." The other day I helped her put her baby in her stroller, and she turned around and said, " 'Ank you Mama. Very nice to help Sydney!" She dances randomly. She's OBSESSED with this show called "The Wheels on the Bus". Her two favorite places are Trader Joes and the carousel at the zoo. She wears stacks and stacks of necklaces and her brother's old hats. She runs, and then yells back "Sydney FAST!"

Eli's still all about Power Rangers, ninjas, and karate. We had our picture taken last week and Eli was sure that our photographer was the Green Ranger. He kept asking him if he liked forests. He is sweet and kind and wants to have triplets (named Silly, Billy, and Jilly. Or Sweet Love Child and Flower.) He jumps off and over everything and I currently have 12 gray hairs that are directly related to the odds that he's going to break his face open. Lately he's been asking me to tell him stories about times I've had to be rescued or been in accidents. He says it's because they're funny (and most are) but I think he likes that they're adventures. (Also, I'm sorry, Mom. Turns out I have a lot of those stories.)

This is our first Spring Break, and I was able to take the week off too. This morning both babies crawled in bed with us and Syd looked over at me and said with a smile, "Mama, no work?" C and I had a good ol' histrionic fight and then made up last night, so we're starting off on a good foot. I cannot wait to spend a week with these crazy people.

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Saturday, March 24, 2012

I got nothin'

Really, there's not much going on. We had our photo session yesterday and afterwards C looked at me and said, "I can't believe that you didn't freak out! Not even once!" Apparently I have quite the reputation. I think it helped that 1) I didn't pay very much for this so if the pictures sucked, at least we got cute outfits, 2) the photographer was 30 minutes late so the owner said that if we didn't like the shots, we could re-shoot with another photographer, and 3) Who knows? Maybe Mercury was aligned with Venus. Or maybe C slipped something in my soda. But it was fun! We walked a new path by a river and found an awesome museum that we will definitely be going back to. Syd looked adorable, Eli was dapper, and C ROCKED a golf hat. The photographer thought I was 26. It was good. I can't wait to see the pictures.

The big consignment sale that I've been waiting over a month for was this week. I smartened up and volunteered this year, which meant that I got to shop early. It made all the difference! I usually do okay at these, but this year I cleaned up. We got a quasi-jogging stroller for $40 (that's half of what we set aside to spend!). I found a kid's digital camera (that we'd hoped to give Eli for Christmas but then ran out of time/money/enthusiasm) for $20, and I'm pretty sure it's brand new. Syd got all of her spring/summer clothes and Eli got most of his. Just in time too, because both of them have had huge growth spurts this month. Poor Syd was down to 4 shirts, 2 jeans, and 2 pairs of leggings. Eli wasn't quite so bad off, but most of his clothes have seen better days. So all of that for (way) under $200. Squee! I HATE buying the kids' clothes brand new. Inevitably, whenever I spend real money on clothes, they grow out of them instantly. This way, they'll be wearing these clothes for most of the year.

Speaking of the new stroller, I accidentally took Syd on a 4 mile walk today. I guess it's working. Syd loves the stroller, begs to go in it, and it's easy enough to push that I kept thinking, "Huh, I wonder what's up there?" About halfway in I had to check GoogleMaps because I had no idea where we were.

I've been trying to figure out our money "style" and trying to get us to a more fiscally-responsible, not bleeding money place. This month it looks like we're going to hit one of my big goals which was to end the month in less debt than we started. In fact, we may hit it with flying colors! So excited! We are FINALLY figuring out a system that works for both of us and us as a family. Revelation! Just because I was the one handling the finances, it doesn't mean that I get to make all the decisions. Light Bulb! (love that movie)

So yeah, not a lot going on. This next week promises a lot of snotty noses, if Syd was any indication of things to come. Thank God for anti-bacterial gel. Hopefully after being exposed to the cess pool that is prison I'll make it out alive. Daycare and prison, they do an immune system good.

Tuesday, March 20, 2012


A couple of months ago I scored a killer deal on a photography special via Groupon. Like, such a good deal that I could plan a funky, trendy picture and not worry about it being a "priceless heirloom." And I've been having SO. MUCH. FUN. Y'all, I went to Urban Outfitters for the first time, fell in love, and now gaze longlingly at the most awesome t-shirt ever designed. That currently hangs in. my. closet. I designed new outfits complete with accent colors. I bought new make-up and even splurged on a skin "regiment," albeit from Target, because I normally have the skin of a 14 year old video game addict.

So because I was having so much fun, I thought, "You know, I should try to do something about this chin issue!" I decided to go back to South Beach, because I figured I did okay last time and it was a perfect solution for dropping 5-10 pounds quick. So we (because C didn't really have a choice) did it. And I did it well. I valiently ate eggs every morning. I snacked on bowls of veggies the size of my head. I drank so much water that I think one day I actually overdosed. I ate bowl after bowl after bowl of chili and lentils and beans and fake pasta. I lost a few pounds, my skin cleared up, and I felt great. C loves the diet, but he supplemented with Burger King and Kool-Aid popsicles. At the end of two weeks he lost 12 pounds! Me? I lost 0.8. Seriously. WTF? So I rebelled and ate a sandwich (with bread!) and 4 girl scout cookies. It didn't help the weight loss, but guess whose face broke back out? With a vengeance? The week of our pictures?

So I guess it's good that I finally figured out what triggers my face (FINALLY, after 25 years!), but crappy that if I want the clear skin, I have to give up sugar. Which won't have the added bonus of helping me drop these last 15 pounds. It's like a really shallow, egocentric version of Sophie's Choice. Blemishes or Brownies?

Monday, March 19, 2012

Keeping it real

I had absolutely no internal censor today. As in none. I'm not really sure why, but I know that it wasn't good. In "sessions" (which lately consist mostly of me yelling through cracks in cell doors while the guy on the other side a. ignores me, b. sleeps, or c. I don't really want to think about it) I said, more than once, "Really? Like, you think people believe that?" and "Oh sure. I can totally see how your dog's death led you to rape, torture, and kill several people years later. Makes perfect sense." A friend once said to me, "You just have to be mean sometimes." I didn't believe her, but now I totally get it. There's really sick people on my unit, like, Jason Russell on a corner sick. But for each really sick guy, there's three more who are either not sick at all, or way more criminal than crazy. And sometimes you have to be mean. Usually though, I'm a bit more tactful.

During our treatment team meeting, which consists of my boss and most of my co-workers, one of my inmates was ineffectually playing very dumb and very vulnerable. I had LITERALLY seen him 30 minutes earlier laughing and joking and singing with staff. So when he acted like he had no idea when my boss asked him a question, I actually said "Yeah. Try again." Out loud. Empathy and supportive therapy, FTW!

After that, I engaged in a "That's what she said" conversation, with a sergeant, for longer than was probably professionally appropriate. We ragged on a coworker and his breath. I said "Fuck" more today than I have all month. I pried my boss for details on how someone managed to expose themselves while in restraints. I asked the same boss if her dementia was getting worse.

Seriously. No censor. At all.

Dr. Chiconky: Keeping it real.

Friday, March 16, 2012

WTF Subway?

I usually don't care much about kids' meal toys, except to wish I could time-travel back and never purchase one, so Eli would never know that there was a possibility that his food could come with a toy. Thereby making him beg for crappy food, not eat crappy food, and request a PB&J thirty seconds after we get home. But I digress... I don't really think much of the boy/girl toys. Whatever. My Little Pony, Star Wars, it's all good. Pick your battles and such. But then C took the kids to Subway and came home with these.

Let's start with the stupidity of the bags. Subway, you'd be better off offering a cookie and just shucking the gift-with-purchase. These bags suck, fall apart, and I currently have about twelve that Eli won't let me toss. Sure, at least they aren't tied into some crappy cartoon (and who can disparage the Smithsonian?) But then, on top of that you put a "toy" and make us choose "boy" or "girl" So C, an honest man, says one of each and is presented with one bag for each kid, one featuring a fire helmet and the other a piano. Cool. But then inside, Eli gets a fireman's badge with stickers for his name. On the back are facts about fire stations and fire safety. Syd got a mirror.

A mirror that has nothing to do with playing piano, music, or the arts. Merely "Your Own Personal Mirror" with no explanation about how the two correlate. Subtle, Subway. Real subtle.

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Thursday, March 15, 2012

Afternoon Delight

Not that kind. Pervert.

My schedule has it's downsides, mainly being up before the church crowd and leaving my cozy family sleeping soundly on a day meant for lazing around together. But it also has it's benefits. I get to volunteer in Eli's class. I can schedule appointments like normal people. And I'm free for spontaneous afternoon outings to generally reserved for weekend places. Like the children's museum. All that was really a prelude for "Look at all the pictures of my kids!"

Those smocks? Totally useless.

I swear she's not picking her nose (in this picture)

How freaking cool is this?

I love finding them playing together. 'Tis awesome.

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Sunday, March 11, 2012

Dancing Queen

Dude. How freaking cute is this?

Also, I'm pretty sure every single video of Sydney has some commentary from her brother in the background. Usually of the "Look at me! Look at me!" variety. Oh he loves his sister, but he HATES not being the center of attention. Like his dad :)

Saturday, March 10, 2012

McD's, mass murderers, and merry-go-rounds

C took an impromptu trip back to Fresno this weekend to "party with the boys" (seriously. That's what he said.) and so the kids and I planned an extravaganza. It started with Redbox movies (How have I never done this?) and dinner AT McDonalds. Not from. AT. With a free pass to play on the playground for as long as they wanted. We were there for over two hours. The weather was a beautiful temperature for sipping a diet coke and half-assedly supervising my children as they crashed and barreled to their hearts' delight.

We came home after bedtime and set up camp on the living room floor. There were stacks of blankets and more pillows than one family should own. We watched Dolphin Tale (Awesome.) and Zookeeper (Exactly as bad as you think it'd be). After both kids crashed I tried to watch The Help, finally, but just couldn't get into it. May have been that I started it at 11:30.

At 3:44 I awoke, on the couch with Syd on my chest and Eli on the floor in front of my, to the sound of shattering glass. Y'all. I FREAKED THE FUCK OUT. I'm always a little paranoid when C is gone (hence the family camp out) so I had my keys, purse, and phone right by the couch. But still. I didn't really expect to need them. So it's dark, I'm covered in babies, and there's glass breaking. I did the first thing I thought of and grabbed my phone. Seriously almost dialed 911 before I'd gotten up, but then decided that I couldn't just lie there. Luckily, because it turned out that this giant clock that we had hung over our mantle had fallen off the wall. That would've been embarrassing when the cops showed up.

I have no idea why it fell. I've obsessively checked to make sure we didn't have an earthquake. By 4:00 I'd picked up all the glass and quasi-came down from the adrenaline high. By 7:00 the babies were waking me up and by 9:00 we were on our way to the zoo to "ride carousel" and the train. We had a great time and then came home to C, where we all crashed on various couches. We finished the day with me finding the perfect shoes for our upcoming family photo shoot and burrito bowls for dinner.

I haven't figured out how to move pictures from my phone to my blog (anyone know how to do this?) so there's no photographic evidence, but aside from a brief moment when I thought we'd all be killed by a crazy lunatic, it was a totally awesome weekend.

Wednesday, March 7, 2012


It felt so. freaking. good. to come home today. No work for three days. No getting up at 5:00 (and 3:00, and 1:00, and 11:00. Thank you Sydney). No forms or staring at a computer for eleventy billion hours. No key for the bathroom, no shouting "YARD DOOR!" when I want to go outside. Just me, the man, and the rugrats. The kids and I even have a Mama's bed movie night planned. C's at the park with the kids, I'm pinning dinner ideas. Ahhhh.

Friday, March 2, 2012

"Little Mother"

Sydney was playing with her baby this morning. This is one of my new favorite things and it makes my heart happy to see her cuddling a little baby doll (even though sometimes the poor baby's upside down and backwards). She had her baby sweetly wrapped in a blanket, propped in her lap, and was feeding her a bottle. I say to my adorable, precious little girl "Syd, you're such a good mommy! Your baby looks very happy. What's she drinking in her delicious bottle?" My darling little girl looked up at me and said, in her melodic little voice, "Dog poop."

Lord help us. And her children.