Gratitude Challenge 3/30: Color

 

I snapped this picture on the way out the door this morning (hence the fog and skeletal dog). This is one of my favorite little corners of the house. I absolutely love the orange chairs, and now with the green plants it's the most delightful little happy when I walk down the stairs first thing in the morning. 

My decorating style has always been a little "give me the big box of crayons with the built-in sharpener" but when it comes together like this it really makes my heart sing. If you want to play along tell me what colors you're grateful for today! 

Gratitude Challenge 2/30: Optimism

I found myself wanting to be sarcastic on this one, and showing a picture of a laundry basket or a lunchbox full of vegetables, but the truth is that I really do consider my optimism to be one of my strengths. The other night I was talking to Eli and I described myself as "an aggressive optimist" and I love it and now I'm going to trademark the brand.

Aggressive optimism is the steadfast belief that everything is going to work out. which has thus far turned out pretty well. I've made a lot of choices that, logically speaking, didn't make a ton of sense. It got me married at 22 and immediately moving to Oregon, where we didn't know a soul but had some of the best adventures. It moved us to a town none of us had ever been to in California, and then ultimately to Sacramento. It got us this big fancy house with it's pool and ridiculous blue carpet and hot mess kitchen. It got me a grad school baby (which on paper is a ludicrous idea but in practice was pretty awesome), an early career baby (first day of work 5 months pregnant is a great way to make an impression), and our funny little third baby that has me excitedly slowing down to assess the state of decomposition when I pass roadkill. In fact, it's worked out so many times that I *may* have "Fuck it" tattooed on my body as a reminder that it's not a terrible approach to decision making. 

Aggressively optimistic that this hike in a downpour would be fine. It was probably not the safest choice, but it ended up being one of my favorite memories from the entire trip :) 

30 day Gratitude Challenge 1/30

I've always been tempted by the NaBloPoMo trend but the idea of coming up with something to write about every single day has always felt insanely overwhelming. Sarah though clued me in to the Positively Present Gratitude Challenge over on Instagram that seemed like a perfect opportunity to both inspire me to post with more frequency AND focus on those things that I am grateful and appreciative of. I'm going to give it a shot. If I bomb, then I'll revise this intro to be something about self-compassion and reasonable expectations. Act surprised! 

Words

We recently switched insurance providers and with that, had to re-establish with a new doctor. We're not really "go to the doctor" people, so there was expectedly some delayed maintenance issues. I was messaging with him about my progress on specifically my weight/diet and he responded with, "Great job! I'm really proud of you!" 

Whoah. I am 40  41 years old. I have a doctorate and a mortgage and a marriage that is old enough to vote. I don't typically suffer from insecurity (at least not outwardly) and I've managed to keep myself alive long enough that I'm fairly confident in my abilities as a functioning human. And yet? Hearing someone say, "I'm proud of you" about something that I worked hard on was a gut punch in the best possible way. 

C got a similar response from him at a follow-up visit after he worked his ass off (quite literally, actually) after getting the diagnosis of diabetes. He knew, because he is a functioning adult, that doing healthy things is the right thing to do, but hearing someone recognize that? Game. Changer. 

So for today's challenge, I'm grateful for people who use their words to recognize people's efforts. Part of becoming an adult is building your intrinsic motivation, and that's great and important and all that, but it doesn't mean that words of affirmation or a sticker don't really drive the point home sometimes. 

Play along! I'd love to hear what words have made an impact in your life lately. Or alternatively, what is your favorite word? I love a good vocabulary word!

In Lieu of Resolutions

 

2020 was, without a doubt, a weird year. I can't help but feel partially responsible since we did usher it in with charcuterie, slime, and the absolute cheapest rot-gut alcohol we could find. I promise we won't make that mistake again. For many, many reasons. 

This is the time of year that I'm usually planning my intentions for the upcoming year. Setting my resolutions (which are often based in self-degradation or FOMO) and making grand plans for how the new year will be DIFFERENT! BETTER! MORE RESPONSIBLE!

I decided I'm not doing that this year. I'm quietly, cautiously welcoming the new year and rather than make big declarative statements, I want to reflect on what I'm proud of from 2020. Chances are that if I set big goals for 2021, I'll miss the mark, but I did the same last year and yet here I am, having done some cool shit despite everything. I think I like that idea better. 

• At the beginning of the year I bought a "Line a Day" journal. I only missed a single day (RIP May 8th) all year. I love the idea of journaling but often get intimidated by the actual writing part. Having a tiny area to fill has made this a really easy routine to adopt. Each date has space for five years, so I can't wait until next year when I can look back and reflect on "STILL HOME" and "Tiger King. WTF?" 
• I KILLED it with the kids' Christmas presents this year. Each kid loved their gifts and no one (at least outwardly) expressed jealousy or disappointment. I stayed within a reasonable number of gifts and budget. No one got last minute filler gifts. I feel like I've peaked and that I should hang up my Santa hat now but also maybe I'm just getting really good at this? 
• I have worked out regularly, and intensely, for the last three months. That in and of itself is a big accomplishment but even cooler is that even though I haven't lost any weight (like any. at all.) I still feel like it's been worth it. It's changed the way I think about my body shape and size and I'm so much happier. I can hold a handstand (against a wall, but still), knock out a bunch of burpees, and row without wanting to die. 
• This goes along with working out but deserves it's own section. Eli and I have been working out together and it's been so cool to hang out with him in a different setting. I feel like he's really becoming who he's going to be and man, he's just such a cool person. If I wasn't related to him I'd still want to be his friend. If you want to bond with your teenager, I highly recommend taking up a hobby that neither of you knows anything about. Also he's really really good. 
• I quit wearing make-up everyday and I like it. I put on foundation for the first time when we had our family pictures taken and as soon as we got home I washed it off. These days my work look is literally brushing my hair and putting on mascara. I have slowly whittled my morning routine down to about 15 minutes and it is GLORIOUS. 
• I read 62 books, including a few that I read out loud to the girls.
• My family pictures this year were awesome. I loved my outfit, everyone else loved theirs, our photographer was lovely, and they came out beautifully. 
• At the beginning of March I got really into buying games and puzzles. We've continued to play games pretty regularly as a family and have actual favorites. The kids pull them out randomly and our dining room table is always kept clear in anticipation of a game. 
• We've managed to save money this year in a way that we've never been successful before. Part of this is the lack of activities, but I also think that C and I have reached a point where we have a really effective shared language that's helped. 

For 2021, I hope that I can keep the things that I liked about 2020. More unstructured time with the family. Less hustle on the weekends. Reading in the middle of the day. Doing activities with my kids that highlight their unique personalities. Saving money and spending more intentionally. Focusing more on "feeling better" than "appearing better." 

It's been fun too to read other people's resolutions for the new year. What are you planning to focus your energies on next year? What are you really proud of when you look back at the last year, as weird as it was? 

Gratitude

I am realizing that The Crazy is likely going to be something that I always go back to when my stress reaches critical mass. The fact is, we will never have "enough" money. Just like I will never have enough time, be ready for another kid, be stable enough to buy a house. There's always another rung to climb. When I was in graduate school there was a time when C and I were financially stretched thinner than thin. We were on food stamps, and our monthly budget was less than we pay now for one week of daycare. Tonight I'm grateful that 1) we can afford awesome insurance 2) we can afford a co-pay when one of the kids complains of a stomach ache and spikes a 102+ fever 3) we're secure enough that I don't resent paying the co-pay when he's diagnosed with a "stomach bug" and of course, miraculously recovers an hour later. And above all that I am grateful that my instincts were wrong and he doesn't have appendicitis. AND I'm really grateful that he's fully toilet trained and apparently can wipe his own butt now.