Monday, January 16, 2023

Hello Anxiety, My Old Friend

 Guess who was up and awake MUCH earlier than necessary on a three-day weekend? Thanks to a combination of new medications, a change in schedule, and overall being in a better mindspace, it's been a while since I had the "stay in bed and ruminate or just get the f up" debate. But here we are...

This one kicked off because I had a dream that I had to buy my mom tires for a car that I'm pretty sure we've already sold (so let's through some executor anxiety in too!) Then I woke up intensely aware of my various credit card balances and various financial obligations. And here we are... 

BUT! There are things genuinely making me crazy related to my financial life. For one, I had this great system where all of my bills came up in my iPhone's calendar and I could scroll through them. Now that's gone and I have to look day by day. Does anyone know how to fix that? It was really helpful when budgeting out paychecks and now I'm finding that the extra step is a barrier. And the other thing is this: I know that I could curb a lot of my spending by eliminating my Amazon use (and other conveniences like meal delivery kits). It's become so easy to have a thought, then click "Buy Now." I've moved the app into a folder called "I am saving money" in an effort to use positive affirmations, but what I come up against is the cost of time vs the ease of buying on-line. For example, Eli needed specific school supplies and a pair of insoles. Without Amazon that errand would have taken mental energy (planning and executing the stop at the store) as well as more time and possibly more money. So I can kind of justify spending the money because it would have taken me many more days to complete if I had to actually add the things to the list (that doesn't currently exist) and then go to the store to buy them. Has anyone successfully curbed their Amazon use? Tell me your secrets! I don't want to trade my Amazon spending for Target spending, but I also think that maybe I'd be less likely to add-to-cart if I was physically touching the items. Maybe...

Sarah over at HarryTimes is tracking her spending and I kind of like that idea. There's so much evidence that tracking helps bring awareness, and I know I've used food logging effectively. I do become pretty self-competitive and neurotic about it, which was not so great with calories but maybe exactly what I'm looking for with finances? I'm also thinking that I'm going to take an Amazon break. There's nothing on there that I can't procure in real life, even if we do have to wait until I can stop to get it. At least to make it a little more intentional.

Tell me your tips! We make decent money and there's really no reason to be so problematic about it, and I'd love to get it somewhat under control before I'm facing down buying kids' cars and college tuitions (OMG.) 

Friday, January 13, 2023

Rain and Spoons

First of all, I just realized that my title suggests that I'll be discussing spoons in the therapist context and I can promise you that "spoons" will never leave my mouth intentionally. I don't know why, but that whole analogy bugs me so much. But I digress. This post is NOT about mental energy to complete tasks. It is, however, about how we basically are living in torrential downpours 24/7 now. Oh my goodness. I'm about three more rainy days from building an ark. It has been raining SO MUCH. Work gave us raincoats for the end-of-year gift, and I have never been so grateful for swag in my life. And I have had so many occasions to wear galoshes that I'm now rotating between my black knee high ones and Sydney's yellow booties. And on top of the rain, we're getting this crazy wind like gusts of 70 mph that shake my 50 year old, single pane windows in a way that keeps me up at night waiting for an implosion. Further adding to the whole "Is this the apocalypse?" vibe is that trees are falling down EVERYWHERE. 

Neighbor's house
Commute

My cute raincoat. Little did I know…

BUT all this inside time has been fabulous for my new obsession, spoon carving! It really is becoming kind of problematic but I love it so much. I blew through the wood that came in my kit though, so I decided that I'd go find green wood (as suggested by fine hobbyists everywhere per the internet). Then trees started falling down. So now I have a literal wood pile on my front yard. I bet the HOA is missing my bike rack now! 



This picture? This is a GIANT log that was procured for me by one of my staff. That's what kind of situation we're looking at. I picked up a 150lb block of cedar at work and then put it in my backseat like a hillbilly. I'm one hay bale  and a pack of Camel Lights away from returning to me circa 1996.  








I just love it so much. I've gotten pretty okay with a scoop, but my next goal is an actual eating spoon. Then a spork. Then a butter knife. If you need me I'll be over here whittling...
This is what my life looks like now. We're replacing the carpet soon and I wonder if they'll be curious why it's full of sawdust...