It's only been a couple weeks, and I have run the gamut of completely freaking out clear to trusting the universe and being very zen, and back again. I seem to do okay, but then people around me start talking about it and my anxiety shoots through the roof. I am walking a very fine line of professionalism and appropriateness, which luckily my co-workers consider "genuineness." Because honestly? I was sarcastic and short-tempered and pouty today and I'm not a huge fan of myself like that. On the other hand, a supervisor told me that I seemed to "have a peace about you." To which I laughed like a deranged lunatic. Moving on. So how does a mental health professional such as myself cope during a time of instability and stress? I'm so glad you asked! Thus far I've
-Spent money like it was going out of style. Because Eli MUST have a hoodie! Right this second! To replace the one he lost! Even though it's over 80! And Syd needs pajamas! And I need skinny jeans! And notebook dividers! And pumpkins!
-Tried to sell anything that's not nailed down on craigslist. But then hid the money away like it never existed. See? I can save! And I'd bet that the $10 I made off that Johnny JumpUp is going to make all the difference.
-Freaked out about money. I find myself compulsively balancing numbers, even numbers that really don't mean anything. Oh yeah. The Crazy? Back with a fucking vengeance.
-Productively contacted other possible places of employment. Had great conversations.
-Freaked out because it sounds like "realignment" will be based on seniority, not merit or fit. Which means that I will likely end up in Bum Fuck Nowhere.
-Applied to work in New Zealand. Which I am sort of, not quite, maybe, we'll see what happens, considering.
-Blown my diet, restarted, blown, and restarted. I've lost almost ten pounds, but man, I forgot how amazing brownies can be.
-Disgusted myself with a variety of unattractive qualities, including jealousy (savings?! How do you have savings? Why can't we have savings!?), spite (oh so many examples), and opposition.
In other news, the kids and I went to the coast this weekend and it was lovely! We spontaneously jumped in the ocean, explored pirate caves, and ate way too much. We slept in, stayed up late, and jumped on beds. Eli was brave and Syd was crazy. I loved it.
She does this thing now where she poses and then waits for me to take her picture. She was obsessed with sitting on these pumpkins
A true flip!