Hard

 I'm having one of those days where I have to actively fight against feeling sorry for myself. I hate a pity party, but fuck if life just keeps punching me in the face lately. And I keep bouncing back like a ray of fucking sunshine, but this morning I still had a lingering cold and I had to go to work while everyone else was cozy in bed and I stayed up too late finishing a book that ended lame and none of my clothes fit right and the dumb dogs had me playing Door Bitch while I was trying to make my coffee and honestly, I'm about out of sunshine. 

I don't want to make Thanksgiving dinner this year. I have to work all week because new job = no PTO (plus I have actual work that needs to get done), and Sydney got diagnosed with being allergic to everything under the sun, so honestly there's nothing I can really make her. How does one create a festive, inclusive Thanksgiving meal without using wheat, rice, potatoes, soy, carrots, celery, apples, or yeast? I should just acknowledge that what's going to happen is I'm going to make a bunch of weird shit, and no one will eat it and I'll get pissed off and the whole day will be lame. 

My dumb pets are costing me literal THOUSANDS of dollars right now. We are not good, responsible vet going pet owners but two of them have had issues that made me kind of feel like a bad person, and yet, here we are. Handing over credit cards and hoping they go through for dumb animals who either pee in my corners or keep opening the fucking doors as soon as I'm cozy on the couch (or both.) 

Christmas is three weeks after Thanksgiving. I was so ahead of the game, and now suddenly I'm not. Also, see above with all my money going to dumb animals with dumb medical problems. And I really wanted to give handmade gifts this year, but dumb life and calendars and all, so now I feel rushed and panicked to make things and it's not fun anymore. And I need to order my Christmas cards but I keep feeling like there's got to be a better deal on them and we all know that that means I'll wait too long and then have to pay a bunch extra. 

And a bunch of other stupid shit. 

Blergh. 

Thanks for listening to my vent. Here's a picture from a couple weeks ago of Averson's pure joy at going to the new Amazon Fresh grocery store. Enthusiasm and social rebellion and all that. 

Edit: So while I was in the Blogosphere I checked in on some of the other vintage Mom Bloggers and it seems like everyone is having a shit-tastic time right now. So...solidarity. I'm getting a tattoo and overbuying Christmas presents on Amazon (even though I really wanted to do small business, the dopamine hit on my phone is too good right now). You know, if anyone needed tips from a mental health professional

Proof of Life

 Well Shit. I haven't blogged since September and in that time I've started a new job, Eli started college, Sydney played an entire season of volleyball, Averson found their rhythm as a media kid in middle school, and the world imploded. 

I vacillate on how much I want to dedicate to this little space now that the kids are big and everything feels like it needs more context than anyone really wants to read about. At the same time, I miss it and I think I'll be sad when the time comes that I actually do stop writing. Maybe I just need to be here more, to get back to where it was when it felt like my own private little space that I shared with strangers? 

I think I'll try to check in more. There are parts of life that feel really fun right now, and I want to remember them. And there are other parts that feel really fucking hard. We had a good run, where everyone was settled and everything felt... stable. Those times can't last and I'm glad I saw it for what it was when it was happening. And I know we'll get recentered. If I'm honest, it feels like the best solution is a trip to Disneyland which LOGICALLY I know does not fix all the problems, but oh man if I'm not trying to convince myself that it will. Pesky new job with it's pesky onboarding/no time off period...

In the meantime, the world's most random photo dump

I am a person with a Supplement Box now. Anyone taking Creatine? I'm convinced it will change my life. And if you're looking for protein powders, this brand is AMAZING. The pumpkin spice mixed with yogurt tastes like pumpkin cheesecake and it's a DELIGHT

I loved this outfit so much. It made me feel like a main character in Ted Lasso. You can't see it well, but I'm wearing Adidas that are the exact blue of my jacket

Fucking ridiculous. And of course we brought it home and loved it like crazy people

Same. I'm a cat person now. And I'm their favorite. 

I did a CrossFit competition and did not cry, throw up, or get hurt. Also, I think I'm shrinking. Every picture I see of myself seems like I'm getting shorter...