Friday, July 23, 2010

Back to reality

I go back to work on Monday, after more than three months at home. On one hand, I'm super excited to go back. I really enjoy my job, and I'm definately ready to talk to some grown-ups. I overheard C tell someone the other day "I think she'd dance on a table just for some adult conversation." I hope it doesn't come to that, but I'm pretty certain I am not cut out for this stay-at-home thing. My tone has gotten harsher and my threats of selling one or both of my children aren't quite as empty anymore. It's really not how I want my kids to think about our time together.

On the other hand, MY BABIES!!!! I have loved being able to just hang out with both of them. Yesterday, as Syd and I woke up together, I realized that that was going to be a strictly weekend treat. No more leisurely mornings playing in bed. No more snuggling with Eli on the couch before nap time. I've worked out my schedule so that I should be able to get home before naptime's over, but that also means that five out of seven days I'll miss the morning smiles. Right now that's breaking my heart.

I know that it's in all of our best interests for me to go back to work. We've grown accostomed to a certain lifestyle and I think it'd be really hard for us to live without luxuries like electricity, food, and DVR. I also know that once I'm back in the swing of it, I will be much happier as a working mom. And when mama's happy... But right now all I see is the time away, the commute time, Syd's tinyness.

There's also the logistics. Going back to work means putting grown-up clothes back on. I'm still about 15 pounds from where I started, so that means that to put on any of my old clothes I have to wear a "body shaper" (read: girdle). SEXY. And in 100+ weather, even better. Don't even get me started on the shoe situation. They should really tell you that your feet will grow when you're pregnant, and may not go back. And pumping! I didn't pump with Eli so this whole thing is blowing my mind. I had to get special security clearance for the pump (that was a super-fun conversation, btw). Now I'm trying to figure out how it's going to work. I'm totally expecting my boss to walk in on me, topless and hooked up to the hoses. Which will startle me, causing me to spill milk all over my desk. Which will short out my computer. Which I'll then have to explain to the IT guys. Then I'll have to call an inmate to come mop the floor since we're not "authorized" to use a mop. That'll be awe.some. OR, I'll totally forget to be civilized, since I've spent the last two months with a newborn and a preschooler, and let one rip during a meeting or ask someone if they "need to go potty". Oh the possibilities...

All that to say, I'm going back to work next week. If anyone has any advice I'd really appreciate it, especially regarding the pumping and the wardrobe. I know the kids will be fine (C's going to be home for a month, so they're still not going to daycare full-time yet) and I know that I'm going to miss them like crazy. But better to miss them and cherish our time together than to wake up dreading the prospect of getting screamed at all day and trying to keep us all from killing each other. MOTY.

They're cute little monsters, aren't they?


  1. It's bittersweet. You'll miss them, but it will be nice not to have every statement responded with, "Why?" and wonder what that goo on your neck is for a few hours every day. Skip the girdle and opt for moo-moos. Go potty before you leave home.

  2. Hope that your first day back went well! As for the pumping, for the little bit of time that I did go back to work I found I preferred to use a nursing cover while I did it. Even though the door was locked, it was a safety net for me to know that if someone did open the door somehow I wouldn't be in such a vulnerable position!