Wednesday, April 17, 2013

You can take your pink cadillac and ...

Dear *world wide make-up company* Lady,

 Although I appreciate your promise of a FREE! nail polish if I attend a meeting with you, let me explain why I will not be there for your scheduled appointment.

1) Hollering, "I've got something that will clear up your skin! Guaranteed!" to a six-week post-partum, thirty-something woman is a poor sales tactic.
2) Continuing to bring up my obviously glaring skin problems, in front of other women, is just fucking rude.
3) Offering to come to my house, since I'm "so busy with all those kids" is patronizing. Also, as I mentioned to you, inconvenient because I would then also have to clean my house and send away "all those kids."
4) I'm not impressed by your offer to "get a place" at the Marriott for my "free" skin consultation. Also, I don't trust your assertion that you'll "type my skin and figure out the right formula" for what you diagnosed as "acne skin."
5) You obviously missed the class on reading social cues and polite invitation declines. Also, your partner was wearing a feather boa and crocs.
6) As I told you, my last experience with a *world wide make-up company* lady bordered on stalker-like. Pointing out your pink Cadillac only tells me that you'll be harder to get rid off.
7) I will likely miss your confirmation call. I think maybe I gave you the wrong phone number?


PS: Please don't try to repair our relationship. Although I spent no money at your booth, I did throw my credit card down to buy a pink stun gun and matching pepper spray. They make me feel pretty. Kisses!


  1. Seriously? SERIOUSLY? Terrible. The postpartum acne fairy is at my house, too. Shacne fairy, actually, because my shoulders are the victim. Feather boa and Crocs sounds pretty awesome, though.

  2. What the hell?!!! OMG this is not a "restore my hope in humanity" post, but it did make me laugh.