Wednesday, September 30, 2015

Boundaries are important

Boundaries are super important. My fence = boundary. Not using my first name at work = boundary. Not socializing with people I supervise = boundary. Not accepting friend requests from students = boundary. I'm pretty big on boundaries. Which leads to my quandary.

One of my students (adult learners) has a daughter in Syd's class. We occasionally talk about the girls, and we're splitting some room parent duties. Tonight she tells me, casually and with an apologetic smile, that "You daughter is a mean girl." She went on to tell me that my daughter yells at the other kids, that they're terrified of her, and that no one plays with her. Apparently her daughter has a large group of friends and none of them want to play with Sydney because she's just that "terrifying."

1) WTF? In what universe are we as mothers allowed to flay other people's children like that? You may tell me in detail what a raging maniac your kid is. He may be a raging maniac. He may set my kid on fire. But I am not allowed to call him a raging maniac to your face. I thought this was explicitly written in the mom code.

2) You don't approach the professor after class to criticize her child, in front of other students. I was dumfounded and all I could do was give her the "WTF? look" and say, "Huh. I'll ask Syd about that. She hasn't mentioned that the kids are scared of her."

So now I've got some distance and all the hindsight comebacks (starting with "Let's not call my kid a 'mean girl'" and ending with "Why don't you send me an e-mail with your concerns and we can discuss it later if necessary." Fill in the middle with all the Mama Bear fueled expletives). But I can't avoid this woman because she's a student. And I can't tell her off, again because she's a student. So what the hell?

FWIW, I did talk to Syd because I freaked out and started crying in the car thinking that she was either being unkind to her classmates or being totally shunned and mean-girl-ed. She said that a lot of the girls tell her they don't like her and don't want to be her friend, but then said she didn't want to talk about it because she would cry. This girl does wear her heart on her sleeve so I'm not too worried about the over-emotional part, but GAH! She's been in kindergarten all of a month. I'd hoped to avoid this drama a little longer. C assures me that there are kids who talk to her and she's been invited on a couple playdates, so I can't picture her as the monster of Room A, but seriously. WTF?

Non-class BFFs. Total beasts


  1. Ok that is bizarre, I have never heard of that happening. And she wasn't very nice about it or discrete. It was like she wanted to announce that she had private knowledge that the professor's daughter is a mean girl.

  2. BTW have you guys read "Stephanie's Ponytale"?
    My girls love the book, it is pretty sassy but wonderful (written by the Paperbag Princess guy).
    Anyway, Syd's version reminded me of Stephanie.

  3. WOAH. That lady was WAY out of line. I am so sorry, what a horrifying moment!

  4. OMGOODNESS!!!! your "student" is lucky this Aunt doesn't live there!! How dare she call ANYbody else's child a mean girl or boy for that matter!! I don't even know her and I can bet that her child is not perfect, and is mean sometimes!!
    When I first met my K there was a group of girls that kept telling her she was to small to play with them, she finally made a few good friends, who are still her BFFs even though they don't go to the same school and its 7 years later!!
    Poor Syd! Luckily she has parents that have taught her to be independent, and she doesn't need those girls that don't want to play with her, because her out of school BFFs are there for her!!!!!

  5. What in the hell? That's crazy town. That woman should be totally ashamed that her kid makes other kindergarten kids feel bad-- but instead she's, like, BRAGGING about it?