Such weird kids

Sydney's new favorite food is banana peels. Seriously.

I know it's super weird, but these pictures crack me up. Who eats banana peels? She chooses them over the actual banana.

What to do?

I took a "Mental Health Day" today, and now I'm sitting here at a loss for what to do with myself. Neck and neck are 1) REALLY cleaning the house. Not company cleaning, but organized, more peaceful living cleaning and 2) busting out the sewing machine. On the other hand, the day is already almost half over, so I may end up just reading blogs all day. Which would be a shame (not so much the catching up, but spending the day on my bum). Any suggestions? The Crazy is creeping up, so I prefer not to spend money, but I do have some gift cards stashed away.

A weekend at the coast

We spent the weekend at the coast with Coach, Auntie J, my sister, my niece, my brother, and my sister-in-law. It was the first time we've all been together since Syd was 6 weeks old. They're a lot busier now.

Syd loved the beach
So did Eli. He also was very brave this trip, which was so fun to watch.

This is her growling face. It means she's happy, but sounds like she's rabid.

My niece, who is adorable.

My only goal for the weekend was to get a picture of the three kids together.

This is the best one I got.

Not pictured: Me climbing into a dumpster for five bucks, my niece sneaking Syd contraband everytime we sat them next to each other, Eli and I staying up until midnight watching Toy Story 3, a huge Duggar-style van, and me dashing out the door with my babies when everyone but us came down with the stomach flu (because I'm nothing but uber-sympathetic).

Working Mom *Update*

So after a good night's sleep and some good cuddles with the sick baby, I was able to get some perspective on the issue. I think one of the problems was that my boss was not exactly supportive or sympathetic to my situation, and I felt that I was someone hurting my standing by taking care of the baby. But as I was lying there next to Syd, with the house dark and my family sleeping, I had an epiphany. Or really just remembered what I already knew. My family is my priority. I love my job, but if it came down to it I would choose my family without question. I've worked hard to get to a place where I should be trusted enough not to punch a time clock, and I'm lucky that my union agrees with me. Additionally, my job knew I had small kids when they hired me. In fact, Eli wet his pants during my interview, and they later told me that I was chosen because I was so "real." So if they're not going to be understanding than it's not the right place for me to build my career.

No. I didn't quit my job. And I'm not going to. I enjoy my work and I don't know that I would have as much fun at a different place. But remembering that these are my priorities, and these same things are what make me good at what I do, both as a mom and a psychologist, gave me the confidence and perspective to stop worrying so much about what everyone else thinks. It doesn't matter what the daycare thinks, what my boss thinks, what my neighbors think, about how we balance work and family. This is what works best for my family, and when I took a step back I realized that we're doing a pretty good job. The house is still a mess, and I feed my kids PB&J for dinner more often than I care to admit (but with a side of carrots!) but we are, for the most part, healthy and happy.

Thanks for letting me whine for a minute. I may eventually take that post down, but for now I like letting the crack in the armor show.

Rock beats scissors

Eli called me into his room tonight hours after his bedtime. I asked him what he was doing still awake and he said "I'm scared. I'm scared about what would happen if rock and paper and scissors came down on my and squashed me or cut me or covered me." Love it!

Sometimes being a working mom sucks

This is a total pity post. Don't say I didn't warn you.

Today was a bad mommy day. Syd's had a cough since last week, so after a particularly rough night I made her an appointment with the doctor yesterday. Unfortunately the only appointment was at 11:00 (of course) so I had to leave work at 10:00. Which maybe wouldn't have been so bad if I hadn't been out sick all week last week. But whatever. So I take Syd to the doctor, sure I'll be dismissed with "just a cold." In fact, the doctor even commented that she was too smiley and happy to be very uncomfortable. A double ear infection and bronchitis diagnosis later we were armed with antibiotics and albuterol. The first call I made wasn't to C, but to the daycare to determine the rule for how long a kid had to be on antibiotics before she could come back to school. Nothing says "Dedicated mother" like frantically trying to figure out how to pawn my kid off, ASAP. And my poor baby girl was being such a trooper.

I'm super behind at work. I've got a shit ton of paperwork, plus groups to run, plus each of my client's still needs their individual sessions. I've got two new patients to intake, and new treatment plans to set up. I walked on the unit today and was mobbed by clients. Before Syd got sick I had planned to work extra hours this week, so that I could get caught up and start our new program with my best foot forward.

C was able to stay home with the baby today, but it broke my heart knowing that Syd was home sick and probably wanted her mama to snuggle up with her. Sometimes this work/life balance thing really blows. Driving home I was on the verge of tears because it all felt like such a failure. The house is a wreck, the kids are sick, I'm not snuggled up with my babies and I don't have it all together like I feel like other working moms do. I feel like a shitty mom for staying at work instead of going home. I feel like a shitty employee that I already took off early once this week and I'm operating so far below my self-imposed acceptable level of quality. I feel like I'm developing some kind of spot-light as being flaky, though I'm hoping that's just my own neurosis and not reality.

I know that each family has to figure out what will work for them. Most of the people that I work with have a stay-at-home spouse, so I feel like there isn't a lot of guidance. I'm interested in how other working moms handle this. What do you do when your kids are sick? And how do you handle feeling like you're torn in a two, without being able to give either the attention it deserves?

It's like heroin, but with more ric rac

PSA: If my humility is a characteristic you admire, you may want to just skim this one.

I wanted to post this picture for two reasons. 1) She's really cute (in my humble opinion) and Look! Teeth! and Sitting! On a chair! and 2) That dress? I totally made it. Myself. Over the weekend when I was alone with two kids. Sure, the house is a wreck and none of the laundry got folded but Look! And it does not suck (in my humble opinion). I bought the fabric back in Minnesota for a clothespin holder (because I'm 80, and *edgy*) but I think it's more adorable as a dress.

I spent yesterday compulsively reading the archives of this blog and the dress was inspired by her Itty Bitty Dress. I forgot how much I love doing this, and now I'm sort of obsessed. Seriously, we're like the freaking Von Trapps right now. I'm evaluating everyone with the thought "What could I make for you?" (including Ark, Eli's one and only doll who has been forced to wear a very silly sailor outfit since forever. Side note: Boys play with dolls. They should sell clothes for boy dolls.) I've totally convinced myself that Syd will have a complete wardrobe of cute little smocks and sundresses and that never again will I utter the words "How cute! We have the exact same one!" at daycare. I want the kids to have matching jammies, and the four of us to have matching pajama pants. I'll make napkins and aprons and potholders and purses. I'll design flattering and stylish shirts for myself and stop living in t-shirts... This will most likely get completely out of hand and require some sort of intervention. In the meantime, I'm eyeing every piece of fabric in the house trying to decide what to make out of it. We'll be well-dressed, but with no sheets, towels, or curtains.

With the leggings! It's killing me, it's so darn cute.