She'll hate me for this

but it's got to be documented. I was getting the kids settled in for a movie and I noticed that Syd had a finger in her mouth and a mischievous look in her eye. I asked, "Sydney, are you eating boogers?" She giggled and said "Yes, Mama!" "Well don't! That's disgusting!" Then she giggled again, stuck her finger back in her mouth and gave me the friggin' booger. I seriously couldn't decide whether to laugh or gag.

Bruiser

Vacation!

I've been delightfully unplugged and having a wonderful time. C and I went to see The Hunger Games (yay babysitters!) and today we're headed to the beach.

No work

Sydney says "I love you" and "Love you too, Mama." The other day I helped her put her baby in her stroller, and she turned around and said, " 'Ank you Mama. Very nice to help Sydney!" She dances randomly. She's OBSESSED with this show called "The Wheels on the Bus". Her two favorite places are Trader Joes and the carousel at the zoo. She wears stacks and stacks of necklaces and her brother's old hats. She runs, and then yells back "Sydney FAST!"

Eli's still all about Power Rangers, ninjas, and karate. We had our picture taken last week and Eli was sure that our photographer was the Green Ranger. He kept asking him if he liked forests. He is sweet and kind and wants to have triplets (named Silly, Billy, and Jilly. Or Sweet Love Child and Flower.) He jumps off and over everything and I currently have 12 gray hairs that are directly related to the odds that he's going to break his face open. Lately he's been asking me to tell him stories about times I've had to be rescued or been in accidents. He says it's because they're funny (and most are) but I think he likes that they're adventures. (Also, I'm sorry, Mom. Turns out I have a lot of those stories.)


This is our first Spring Break, and I was able to take the week off too. This morning both babies crawled in bed with us and Syd looked over at me and said with a smile, "Mama, no work?" C and I had a good ol' histrionic fight and then made up last night, so we're starting off on a good foot. I cannot wait to spend a week with these crazy people.

I got nothin'

Really, there's not much going on. We had our photo session yesterday and afterwards C looked at me and said, "I can't believe that you didn't freak out! Not even once!" Apparently I have quite the reputation. I think it helped that 1) I didn't pay very much for this so if the pictures sucked, at least we got cute outfits, 2) the photographer was 30 minutes late so the owner said that if we didn't like the shots, we could re-shoot with another photographer, and 3) Who knows? Maybe Mercury was aligned with Venus. Or maybe C slipped something in my soda. But it was fun! We walked a new path by a river and found an awesome museum that we will definitely be going back to. Syd looked adorable, Eli was dapper, and C ROCKED a golf hat. The photographer thought I was 26. It was good. I can't wait to see the pictures.

The big consignment sale that I've been waiting over a month for was this week. I smartened up and volunteered this year, which meant that I got to shop early. It made all the difference! I usually do okay at these, but this year I cleaned up. We got a quasi-jogging stroller for $40 (that's half of what we set aside to spend!). I found a kid's digital camera (that we'd hoped to give Eli for Christmas but then ran out of time/money/enthusiasm) for $20, and I'm pretty sure it's brand new. Syd got all of her spring/summer clothes and Eli got most of his. Just in time too, because both of them have had huge growth spurts this month. Poor Syd was down to 4 shirts, 2 jeans, and 2 pairs of leggings. Eli wasn't quite so bad off, but most of his clothes have seen better days. So all of that for (way) under $200. Squee! I HATE buying the kids' clothes brand new. Inevitably, whenever I spend real money on clothes, they grow out of them instantly. This way, they'll be wearing these clothes for most of the year.

Speaking of the new stroller, I accidentally took Syd on a 4 mile walk today. I guess it's working. Syd loves the stroller, begs to go in it, and it's easy enough to push that I kept thinking, "Huh, I wonder what's up there?" About halfway in I had to check GoogleMaps because I had no idea where we were.

I've been trying to figure out our money "style" and trying to get us to a more fiscally-responsible, not bleeding money place. This month it looks like we're going to hit one of my big goals which was to end the month in less debt than we started. In fact, we may hit it with flying colors! So excited! We are FINALLY figuring out a system that works for both of us and us as a family. Revelation! Just because I was the one handling the finances, it doesn't mean that I get to make all the decisions. Light Bulb! (love that movie)

So yeah, not a lot going on. This next week promises a lot of snotty noses, if Syd was any indication of things to come. Thank God for anti-bacterial gel. Hopefully after being exposed to the cess pool that is prison I'll make it out alive. Daycare and prison, they do an immune system good.

Injustice

A couple of months ago I scored a killer deal on a photography special via Groupon. Like, such a good deal that I could plan a funky, trendy picture and not worry about it being a "priceless heirloom." And I've been having SO. MUCH. FUN. Y'all, I went to Urban Outfitters for the first time, fell in love, and now gaze longlingly at the most awesome t-shirt ever designed. That currently hangs in. my. closet. I designed new outfits complete with accent colors. I bought new make-up and even splurged on a skin "regiment," albeit from Target, because I normally have the skin of a 14 year old video game addict.

So because I was having so much fun, I thought, "You know, I should try to do something about this chin issue!" I decided to go back to South Beach, because I figured I did okay last time and it was a perfect solution for dropping 5-10 pounds quick. So we (because C didn't really have a choice) did it. And I did it well. I valiently ate eggs every morning. I snacked on bowls of veggies the size of my head. I drank so much water that I think one day I actually overdosed. I ate bowl after bowl after bowl of chili and lentils and beans and fake pasta. I lost a few pounds, my skin cleared up, and I felt great. C loves the diet, but he supplemented with Burger King and Kool-Aid popsicles. At the end of two weeks he lost 12 pounds! Me? I lost 0.8. Seriously. WTF? So I rebelled and ate a sandwich (with bread!) and 4 girl scout cookies. It didn't help the weight loss, but guess whose face broke back out? With a vengeance? The week of our pictures?

So I guess it's good that I finally figured out what triggers my face (FINALLY, after 25 years!), but crappy that if I want the clear skin, I have to give up sugar. Which won't have the added bonus of helping me drop these last 15 pounds. It's like a really shallow, egocentric version of Sophie's Choice. Blemishes or Brownies?

Keeping it real

I had absolutely no internal censor today. As in none. I'm not really sure why, but I know that it wasn't good. In "sessions" (which lately consist mostly of me yelling through cracks in cell doors while the guy on the other side a. ignores me, b. sleeps, or c. I don't really want to think about it) I said, more than once, "Really? Like, you think people believe that?" and "Oh sure. I can totally see how your dog's death led you to rape, torture, and kill several people years later. Makes perfect sense." A friend once said to me, "You just have to be mean sometimes." I didn't believe her, but now I totally get it. There's really sick people on my unit, like, Jason Russell on a corner sick. But for each really sick guy, there's three more who are either not sick at all, or way more criminal than crazy. And sometimes you have to be mean. Usually though, I'm a bit more tactful.

During our treatment team meeting, which consists of my boss and most of my co-workers, one of my inmates was ineffectually playing very dumb and very vulnerable. I had LITERALLY seen him 30 minutes earlier laughing and joking and singing with staff. So when he acted like he had no idea when my boss asked him a question, I actually said "Yeah. Try again." Out loud. Empathy and supportive therapy, FTW!

After that, I engaged in a "That's what she said" conversation, with a sergeant, for longer than was probably professionally appropriate. We ragged on a coworker and his breath. I said "Fuck" more today than I have all month. I pried my boss for details on how someone managed to expose themselves while in restraints. I asked the same boss if her dementia was getting worse.

Seriously. No censor. At all.

Dr. Chiconky: Keeping it real.