Sunday, April 23, 2017

Living for the weekend?

I am not exactly "enjoying" my work these days. It's all super boring and nothing so awful that I'm actually doing anything about it, but still. On a scale of one to ten, I'm about at a "I wouldn't exactly hate getting the flu and having to stay home because I'm puking my guts up." I'm not whining because I know these are first world problems, and that I'm not doing anything to change it so I really need to STFU. BUT, I do look forward to my weekends.

Which means it really fucking blows when my weekend sucks. Yesterday I was so irritated and stabby that I couldn't even write about it because it would not have been funny. I think it's worse when you really NEED the weekend to go well and then it doesn't. It started with deciding not to go to the March for Science, despite planning for WEEKS to go, because I knew we had a birthday party to go to later that day and that I wanted to get my chores done. That way I could drink good booze and eat good food (that I didn't cook), with people I haven't seen in forever, while my kids ran amok unsupervised. I'd also be clear today so I could hangover in peace.

I'm sure it will come as no surprise that obviously that plan didn't work out. First, while I was at Target, Syd got in trouble and C suspected her of lying. He told her that if, when I got home, it turned out I hadn't said what she said I did, she wouldn't be able to go to the party. So OF COURSE I didn't say what she said I had. So fuck. Party was out because it's weird for adults to go to 7 year old's doggy parties without a child in tow. Syd takes her licks like a champ, but she and I were both super bummed out. So we cleaned house and did laundry instead, interspersed with mild bouts of yelling. I let the kids have friends over in the afternoon, trying to redeem the situation, and that ended in me sending neighbor kids home, two broken pictures (from separate incidents), and all of my kids in tears. Needless to say I popped a beer early and often. The day didn't get any better. I folded a million loads of laundry (which was NOT relaxing) and then the fucking dog ate my fucking my bathmat.
This is not a large bathroom and that is not a small dog. Who has gas.


Today was moderately better. No one cried and I didn't start drinking until a respectable hour. But still. I want a weekend do-over because I don't feel relaxed or rejuvenated. While I was wallowing in self-pity today, I decided that I need to be more intentional about my weekends if I'm going to give them so much weight. Yet the song of my people (that is, middle aged suburban moms) is either the public and emetic proclamations of the need for "me time" or the martyrish denial of anything that doesn't benefit my special snowflakes. I think by virtue of my work and so much focus on self-care and burnout, I fall somewhere in the middle. Unfortunately, it appears that I've completely forgotten what it is that rejuvenates me and constitutes a "good weekend." I have a tendency to Fill. All. The. Hours, which is great but often ends up with all of us tired and the house trashed. On the other hand, weekends at home often end up in chores, chores, and more chores because we've let the house get trashed. And I never feel great about taking off on my own during the weekend because C has been with the kids all week (I'm totally willing to reevaluate this stance.)

So that's where the magical people of the interwebs come in. What do you do to renew on your days off? What constitutes a good weekend? And how do you recover from a craptastic day?

And tangentially related, I want to spruce up my office. What cool office things do you have that make your day a bit brighter?


  1. I have to clean the house on the weekend. HAVE TO. And your rationale for NOT marching makes perfect sense to me. I did volunteer work on Sat and almost canceled 6 times because I was worried about cleaning the house and going to soccer/baseball on Sunday. I think if I were you I would not feel bad about having alone time on the weekend if that's what you want. The kids are in school at least part of the day-- I would feel worse about it if he were home all week with house-bound kids. Our weekends are pretty much all sports and house cleaning-- never very exciting, especially since we have been watching our spending. We used to blow through a ridiculous amount of cash from Friday night-Sunday in the name of weekends, and reigning that in has changed the shape of our days for sure.

  2. I typed up the best comment earlier on my phone and then the internet ate it! Basically it said this: What about scheduling something for just you once a month on a Saturday? Something to look forward to at least? If it went well, you could increase the frequency! Also, we set a time limit for Saturday chores and the whole family does them together. We say "At 11:00 we are going to go for a bike ride, here is everyone's job, GO!" Sometimes it works, sometimes it is a struggle. But setting a time limit keeps it from becoming an all day slog. Last suggestion, put on a movie for the kids and sit on the back porch with C and a beer. It's a cheap, simple date, but makes a huge difference to me!

    Also, recognizing that this exhausting phase is limited temporally and one day you guys can get up in the morning and enjoy a long walk and leisurely breakfast together before the first kid wakes up.

  3. That sounded a little too chipper. I totally get what you are saying and it really sucks when the weekend is bad. We packed and cleaned all weekend and ended last night with an exhaustion-fueled bickering match about what is left to do before the move. On the other hand, my quiet office feels like a spa right now!

  4. This is weird but I realized last year that I was often grumpy on the weekend because, with children, chores, etc. I didn't have my 3 cups of crappy office coffee. So my weekends now have caffination strategies. Sad but truly life-changing. Other things that help for me - getting out of the house early, even just for a walk with the kids. The house sucks you in. And I like to bang out my least favorite chores (floors & bathrooms) with headphones on listening to funny podcasts, ideally with the children downstairs so they cannot talk to me!