So... I quit my job. I tripped into a job offer outside of the prison, and every time I set a "I definitely won't take it unless" benchmark, the universe laughed in my face. So here I sit, in a very normal, very professional medical clinic, wearing jeans and hearing babies cry down the hall (OMG. ALL THE BABIES!!!) I went from an executive level chief position, overseeing a lot of staff and going to a lot of meetings to my new role as a Behavioral Health Consultant (confession: I didn't even know what that was when I applied for the job and said as much in my interview. Like I said, the universe is laughing.)
It's been a bit of a...culture shock. For sure. And yet, some things stay the same.
I was leaving the office about a week ago, and as I headed to the parking garage I noticed two men coming off of the elevator. They looked a little lost, and having just completed my new employee training about customer service, I thought "I should offer to help them!" Then I noticed that one had no shirt on and the other wasn't wearing shoes. Pragmatically acknowledging that I don't know where anything is, and that I'd be less than helpful, I averted my gaze and continued out to my car. When presented with shoeless, shirtless, lost people, it's best not to make eye contact I have found. That makes me sound like a terrible person.
So then, as I'm pulling out of the garage, safely ensconced in my car, you can imagine my relief and disbelief when I see the SAME shoeless, shirtless, men being chased out of the parking garage by the security guard. And they're moving slowly because shoeless guy is also pulling up his pants. Now our cast of characters is shoeless, shirtless, pantsless. I HAVE to know what is going on. Were they nutty? Were they looking for a discrete place to express their love to each other? Was this a new type of scavenger hunt? The world is weird now. It could be anything!
So of course, the next day I relay all of this to my boss to see if there'd been any gossip in the building about the semi-nude visitors. Y'all? She hadn't heard ANYTHING. That means that this did not warrant any sort of drama. But she took pity on my poor, new employee self and did some investigating. Turns out the pair had been looking for a *cough* facility, and finding none that were open to the public, chose to attempt to fertilize the parking garage. At which point they were discovered by our fearless security guard and escorted out. MID-SHIT. This poor woman had to come across a man, or two men, squatting in the parking garage and had to make them pinch off, stand-up, and walk out. I don't know how much they pay her, but it is NOT enough.
I was sure it was a fluke. An unremarkable, but still uncommon, fluke and a quaint example of what it's like to work "downtown" now. And then, THEN, a week later, on my way to work, I see one of the guys again! He's standing on the sidewalk, this time fully clothed, holding a blanket matador style. I think to myself, "Huh. That's a little odd for 7:30 in the morning." But then as I drive forward, what's BEHIND the blanket comes into view. And Guy 2 is behind the blanket. Shitting on the sidewalk. The blanket was doing almost nothing to ensure his privacy and doing so much to draw attention to him.
So yeah. Got a new, normal job. I wear jeans and people call me by my first name. There's scissors on my desk and I take my lunch in a mason jar. Still see shit and penises.
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