Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Ten Ways That Motherhood Has Made Me A Crazy Person

1. I'll drive to three different stores to find chicken nuggets with all natural ingredients, and then not blink an eye  
   when my kid eats it off the floor
2. Doctor's appointments are right up there with DisneyLand.  Waiting! With magazines!
3. $1200 for a bed for four seems not only reasonable but necessary
4. I regularly clap for natural (and usually private) bodily functions
5. Someone peed on my kitchen floor and I thought it was hilarious. Like, couldn't stop laughing.
6. As I near my car in a parking lot, I start chanting "Touch the car! Touch the car! Touch the car!"
7. I become paralyzed with fear anytime either of my children is too close to a banister, railing, or too-clean
    window. I fear that they will be possessed and jump, or that someone will push them, or the floor will fall out
    under them. Because that happens all the time.
8. I have thought through and strategized exactly what I would do if my car plummeted off the side of a bridge
    (hint, a hard-sided cooler is required).
9.  Most things I do are accompanied by a snazzy little song Who picks apples?! We do! We do! Do we pick
     apples? Yes we do!
10. I often refer to myself in the third person by a name that no one calls me. Just me. About myself.

How has motherhood made you crazy?

1 comment:

  1. Um, oh my...yeah, every-single one. We will have to discuss the underwater car plummet rescue...Kind of freaks me out that you have a plan too...reminds me I haven't moved my breaks the window spring screw driver into the new car.... I guess no one has peeped on my floor yet, but yesterday Hannah took off a poopy diaper and then scooted on her poopy bottom on our floors, and I laughed while sanitized EVERYTHING. thanks, this totally made me laugh, and I haven't even had my wine yet.