Here's the thing. I'm short. Not like TLC special short, but shorter than average. And the thing with short pregnant people is that the baby has nowhere to go but out. I've been lucky this pregnancy that it's mostly belly (as opposed to the last one that was just a hot mess all around) but the belly is big. On top of that, Eli was almost 9 pounds, which leads me to believe that this baby is also on the *healthy* side. So I'm no stranger to comments about my size. For example
Are you having twins?
Nope, just the one.
Are you sure?
But you're so big!
You look about ready to pop!
Almost, just a couple months left
No way! Are you sure?
But you're so big!
See the theme here?
So take that comment magnet and then plop it right in the middle of 4000 women who haven't seen a pregnant woman in months or even years. Add to that some questionable social skills and tact, and you have my day.
DAMN! I didn't know you could be ten months pregnant!
Are you having twins? (Seriously, I get this one all. the. time. from everyone)
That must be a BIG baby!
How can you even walk?
Are you sure it's not twins?
Are you STILL pregnant?
Are you having a baby? (not always the brightest questions, admittedly)
And the always awesome "Guess we know what you were doing!"
And on and on and on. I would guess that at least 150 people comment on my belly everyday. Most are of the "Damn! That's a big bitch!" variety but there's a good sampling of "ahhs!" and "God bless you"s for balance. And I can now say belly in at least three languages. But still. I know I'm big. I know I'm outgrowing my maternity clothes. I'm pretty sure that it's not twins. So thanks universe. I get it. We can move on now.
*I know I'll miss this when it's over, so my intentions are partly to vent and partly to memorialize. I lead a weird life, and this is one of the benefits.
*Also, when I was pregnant I think one person total ever touched my belly uninvited. This time around, people are touching me left and right (although not inmates, just staff and strangers). That is some weird shit, and if I get much more irritated someone may end up with a stump. What the fuck is that? I don't go petting you just for the hell of it.