On New Year's Eve, as we were driving to a "family friendly" NYE party (that ended up involving a lot of alcohol and a bonfire), we were rocking out to Syd's new Ziggy Marley CD that Santa brought. This got C and I talking about what it must have been like to grow up with Bob Marley as your dad. In our imagination, Bob would've been the kind of dad that was super-super supportive and enthusiastic. You want to be a super-hero? Let's make a cape and develop your powers! You want to be an accountant? You account the crap out of those numbers! You want to dye your hair purple and perform interpretive dances? Rock on! Essentially, I'm picturing him as the kind of dad that would be the biggest cheerleader in the stands, or who would sit quietly next to you in meditation.
I want to be like that. With my kids, of course, because I feel like the world is full of people saying "can't" and my kids deserve at least a couple people saying, "why not?" but also with the people around me. I've been feeling a wee bit insecure these past few months, and that triggers an ugly side of me that's competitive and snarky. I don't like the snarkiness, or the places that the competitiveness drives me. I don't like living in that skin, and as one of my favorite pinterest pins says, "If you don't like where you are, change. You are not a tree." I want to be the person that says "Hey, I might not do it that way, but rock on. How can I help?" I want to be truly open-minded and to allow people to shine as they are. I want to see other people's desperate attempts to elevate themselves as just that, instead of personalizing it and attacking back. I want the light that comes from quiet confidence and peace.
So while in past years I've made very specific "SMART" goals, this year I'm being vague. I want to be more love and less insecurity. It's my mantra. As of today, it's been a struggle, but it's also another reason that I love the idea of all these changes happening in the next couple of weeks. New place, new home, (re)new attitude.