Yeah. Not so much.

So remember when I was all "Yay! Schedule's rock! All we needed was a little structure! Look at me! I'm on the couch having me time!" Twice. It happened twice. And since then, it's even worse. I'm sticking with the new dinner time and that's helped, and I'm trying to put Syd down closer to 6:30 before she gets over-tired, but other than that my kids got one bath last week (as in once, in seven days, MOTY) and I haven't made a true dinner in about the same amount of time. Though last night I picked up a chicken from the grocery store and nuked a couple of sweet potatoes so it totally counts.

I started this out as a rant about being a human binky and then I got side tracked. See how that works? I also started drinking coffee this week so I'm a little "woo hoo!" plus frustrated, which makes for the beginnings of a good old-fashioned manic rant. Back to the nursing thing. Syd has slowly weaned herself to the point where she's only nursing at night and then through the night. I'm not regularly pumping anymore (yay!) and she's not even taking that many bottles. But she nurses ALL. NIGHT. LONG. I love co-sleeping, and in my ideal world she'd go to sleep in her bed, and then if she woke up in the middle of the night I'd bring her in with me. But that doesn't seem to be happening and I think I have to start weaning. I'm not sure what my block is about this. I am all for nursing and save for the first few weeks of toe-curling pain it's been a great experience, but it's not something I'm militant about. I nursed Eli for eight months before he decided to stop. That felt like a great amount of time, and weaning was a total non-issue. I really wished Syd would do the same thing but I don't think she will. The girl loves to nurse, and she's persistant. She's at the point now where she'll paw at my chest like a horny teenager until she gets what she's after, and has on occasion managed to pull 'em out by herself (that places her solidly in my "if they can pull it out themselves and hold a sandwich in the other hand" deadline).

I think a big part of it is that I feel so overscheduled as it is, I can't imagine having the energy for a week + of tough nights. With Eli I was still in school, so if the night was rough we could both make up for it the next day but with Syd, we've both got to be back on schedule the next day. And emotionally I feel like I'm ALWAYS leaving her. I'm not sure I'm ready to take this away too. I know logically that she's not being neglected, that we've got a great situation and she's doing great, and that right now nursing is becoming something I resent rather than both of us enjoying. I read once that the perfect length of time to nurse is however long both of you still enjoy it, and I'm not enjoying it anymore. I just need to get over the idea that this is the "One Thing" that connects us. I'd love to hear from other moms who've weaned who might have any tips or advice, since like I said, with Eli it was super-easy. Syd's doctor recommended that I put band-aids over the girls, but I'm guessing Syd would figure that out pretty quick. She's a crafty one that girl.