A MONTH (plus some), floods, Frankestein, and huaraches

Do you ever get sidetracked (by say, buying a house, moving, holidays, life) and think, "Gee. I should really write a blog post!" but then you think, "Damn. It's been a while. Where do I start?" so you don't, and then before you know it a month has passed and some big stuff has happened and... Yeah. Me neither :)

So in no particular order:

We bought a house and moved in. We pushed up the move date to avoid paying a rent-back, which meant that it was the most cluster-fucky of cluster fucks and most of my stuff got moved in garbage bags and laundry baskets. The house is AMAZING but OMG. So many projects. Basically everytime we turn around some plumbing thing is broken or my damn dryer is still not drying. But the house is amazing and we love it so so much. It's basically like living in Disney Land.

I walk the Hellbeasts now. Because we're fancy AF

My pool! (which leaks, but whatevs)

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We had Halloween (and I turned an anticlimactic 38). Eli dressed up as his dad in a ploy to steal his dad's letterman's jacket, Sydney was an ultra-convincing Wednesday Addams, and Averson was Frankenstein's Son. She was adamant that she was "Frankenstein's Son" and that she wear a tie. I'm going to miss these guys when they stop dressing up. Also, a lot of people, like more than reasonable, asked if Syd was a nun. Is that a thing, where people dress up their elementary school kids as nuns?

The supply line to our dishwasher EXPLODED and flooded our kitchen with hot water. C fixed it because he's literally the best.

Also the best? These shoes my friend gave me for my birthday. They make me stupid happy. 

We roadtripped to Colorado for Thanksgiving, but that seems like it deserves it's own post. I also need a better house post and a post to talk about how Orangetheory called to ask me if I was ever coming back (jury's still out. I may just stay fat.) I have missed this place and now that I'm only a couple week's behind, hopefully I can stay on it again! 

Banner week!

OMG YOU GUYS!!!!

I bought a big ass fancy house!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I totally didn't want to jinx anything until I had the keys in my greedy little hand, and now I do! This house is ALL THE THINGS. The neighborhood legit looks like Disney designed it. The whole neighborhood is made up of cul-de-sacs. They have block parties and put out luminarias on Christmas Eve (but call them luminaries which will never, ever sound like a real word.) It needs a TON of work, both fun carpet and paint work and not-so-fun replacing side doors and pool pump work. Oh yeah. Because it has a POOOOOL and now my husband and kids can wear themselves out during the summer. It's almost twice the size of our current house, with a two car garage and the most amazing loft area, and a master bathroom, and a breakfast bar, and all the wonderful wonderful things. It's also covered in blue carpet I can't afford to replace yet, but I don't even care because I love it so much.

This is the new view from my front step. There's a fish pond under that tree.

Terrible picture, but we're sitting at my new (to me, actually it's really old and kind of gross) breakfast bar! 

I bought myself a housewarming gift. His name is Morty and I can't wait until it's a reasonable time for Christmas decorations. 

You guys. I just love it so very very much.

In other news, C got a job at the school supervising lunch and recess. He originally was volunteering, but a "full time" position opened up and they offered it to him. He really loves it and the kids and teachers love him. And not to gender security, but twice now he's confronted adults who were on school grounds and both times they quickly left when he asked them to. It makes me feel a lot safer knowing he's out there. Though he did get the feedback, "Maybe you should reconsider asking fourth graders about the supernatural" so he's not all rules and boundaries :) 

And in addition to our big awesome stuff, we also did some less big awesome stuff:

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I bought these wooden houses from the Target dollar spot and we worked on them ALL DAY. It was a legit family fun activity and they turned out so cute!

And no picture because I'm lame, but Eli got his first football injury :( He sprained his elbow and was prescribed rest and no sports until he's pain free. So he's managed to finagle not having to take notes in class because "it's so hard to move my arm." That kid...

I'm out of town for work this week (perfect timing since we have to be out of our house next week) and my hotel is NOT fucking around with the decorations. Each one of these creepy things also moves and talks. Because of course. And there's bloody handprints on the elevator. 

I have no good way to end this except to say "I bought a big fancy house!" and now I'm staying in the Murder Hotel...

Legos, Wreaths, and Psychopaths

There's a very good chance we'll be moving next weekend, so we spent this past weekend, which was uncharacteristically free of any sports or obligations, milking all the leisure activities we could fit in

Saturdays are Lego Day at the library. Averson built "A security system for an evil, omnipotent lobster. It turns into a car, submarine, and helicopter and there's a precious jewel in the safe in the back." 

Eli went to a friend's house for the weekend (!) but the rest of the family agreed to go with me to a huge craft fair. I think C eventually regretted his decision, but by then we were all in. I puffy heart a good craft fair. FYI: the trend this year seems to be puffy wreaths and thermal bowl holders. In case you're on the craft fair circuit. 

We got Eli back on Sunday just in time for family pictures, and he promptly passed the fuck out when we got home. He is totally part hamster. 

I set a goal to read 60 books this year, and this weekend I passed my goal! It was fitting that my final book (Baby Teeth) was creepy AF. I actually went back to my library hold list after I finished it because I feel like maybe I need a break from psychopaths? I read the book about the Golden State Killer and I sort of fangirled a bit. I know, I know, killing and raping is wrong. But man, he was REALLY good at what he did. I think when you start appreciating the extent of someone's evilness, you need a little bit of Chick Lit in your life. But on the other hand, after I read I'll Be Gone in the Dark I've decided that my next goal is to be a true crime writer, so maybe I need to toughen up...

My kid's amazing and I'm kind of a jerk

A few weeks after Eli started middle school, he came home talking about the assembly they had. The Vice Principal had suggested that kids could sign up to use their electives to help in certain classes, and Eli said he thought he might volunteer to help in the special needs class. A girl he knew helped in the classroom and pushed wheelchairs. Honestly, I figured he was either thinking about it to be around the girl or to get out of art class. 

Fast forward a few weeks and Eli's stopped talking about the girl but he's still working in the classroom. During Back-to-School night I found out that the class he's been working in is specifically for kids with severe mental disabilities and behavior issues. Because I'm an awesome mom who thinks only the best of my sneuxflakes, I still figured this was either about a girl or getting out of art class. 

Last week he offhandedly mentioned that they'd pulled him out of class to take his picture. 

YOU GUYS. The teacher nominated him for Student of the Month. There is no girl and he's been spending his class period working on social skills with these kids. The whole class presented him with his certificate and each of the kids drew him a card. He showed me pictures that he took during the class and it was seriously the sweetest thing ever. 

You guys? This kid drives me crazy but I think he's turning out to be a pretty awesome human. 

Randomness in all it's glory

We're still selling our house but it's in a weird limbo where I don't want to jump the gun and start packing, but also, we're supposed to close in like 10 days so maybe I should be putting shit in boxes? I don't know. I'm sure it's all going to end up in 48 hours of no sleep and a lot of swear words. 

In other news: 

I tried the headband curl method and my hair always looks like a walk-of-shame lion when I first wake up. BUT, it's AWESOME looking by mid-afternoon AND it lets me shower at night. So, if you see me first thing in the morning, that's why I look a mess. 

I quit Weight Watchers and Intermittent Fasting, AND packed away the scale. This has led to more DQ trips. If you haven't had the pumpkin pie blizzard I highly recommend it! 

My students bought me dry erase markers because they were tired of hearing me bitch about the crappy ones at the school. So basically, class of the year. 

And finally, if you stick googly-eyes onto your eyelids you become one of the creepiest dads in the world. 

Full Circle

I was at a prison today doing an audit, and I got distracted by an inmate with a really sweet service-dog-in-training (because I'm a person who gets distracted by dogs now.) Several prisons around here have dog programs, but I don't often get the opportunity to talk at length with the trainers.

He explained that at this point in the training, they don't know how the dog will eventually be utilized. That's determined when they move on and get assessed in their advanced training. Apparently there are more than 65 different disabilities that qualify for free service animals. The inmates do the basic puppy training and work on basic commands and socialization. This guy showed me how he had trained the dog to pick up a wallet, put it's own halter on, and wave good-bye. We talked about his last dog, who has since graduated and been placed with a college professor in Hawaii. He just got a picture and a letter from the dog :)

So in the conversation, he also told me about a friend of his who had passed away in prison last year. This man's dog graduated a few months ago and was placed with the Oregon District Attorney. I immediately thought he meant THE DA, but he clarified that the dog was assigned to the District Attorney's office, and is used as a comfort dog for children who have been victims or witness of violent crime. The dog is trained to sit with them in court and on the witness stand.

After he tells me the story, he said, "Isn't that cool? It's like full circle! This man, who created so many victims in his life, helped train a dog that's providing service and comfort to kids who are victims."

Totally makes up for some of the other BS that I see at work

DUDE

OMG. I was so excited to have three big kids, but big kids come with a lot more activities and commitments than squishy little babies do. At least four nights a week, we have at least two different practices, at least one of which C coaches. On one night, we have two practices, Scouts, and I teach a night class. Wednesdays are a complicated dance of drop-offs, pick-ups, and throwing food at various kids in the car. It's only until the end of October, but good Lord, we drive around a lot.

So of course we thought it would be the perfect time to sell our house and simultaneously buy another one. Despite all of our assertions that we would need more time than usual to get the house cleaned up and cleared out, we usually get about an hour's notice. I often have baskets of laundry shoved in the back of my hoopty. Luckily (?) for us, we had an offer on our house in two days. zOMG. TWO DAYS. So if I think about it realistically, we should be moving out in two weeks.

As a newly minted "person who mops regularly" I cannot sing the praises of Fabuloso loud enough. Seriously guys. Dollar store. It's AMAZING. Also, I pour it down the drain right before we leave the house. 

But I'm still me, so I also recommend a giant storage trunk for a coffee table

We have an offer accepted on a MUCH bigger house (with a pool!) in an amazing neighborhood. Seriously, this neighborhood is ridiculous! It looks like a movie set. BUT, I think the last time it was updated or maintained was around the time I was born. So let the negotiations commence. Hopefully we won't be homeless (our offers are both contingent so we won't really be homeless, but this neighborhood is really really nice so I want this to work out. Fingers crossed xxx)

This works for showing the house, moving, AND being homeless