Hello Anxiety, My Old Friend

 Guess who was up and awake MUCH earlier than necessary on a three-day weekend? Thanks to a combination of new medications, a change in schedule, and overall being in a better mindspace, it's been a while since I had the "stay in bed and ruminate or just get the f up" debate. But here we are...

This one kicked off because I had a dream that I had to buy my mom tires for a car that I'm pretty sure we've already sold (so let's through some executor anxiety in too!) Then I woke up intensely aware of my various credit card balances and various financial obligations. And here we are... 

BUT! There are things genuinely making me crazy related to my financial life. For one, I had this great system where all of my bills came up in my iPhone's calendar and I could scroll through them. Now that's gone and I have to look day by day. Does anyone know how to fix that? It was really helpful when budgeting out paychecks and now I'm finding that the extra step is a barrier. And the other thing is this: I know that I could curb a lot of my spending by eliminating my Amazon use (and other conveniences like meal delivery kits). It's become so easy to have a thought, then click "Buy Now." I've moved the app into a folder called "I am saving money" in an effort to use positive affirmations, but what I come up against is the cost of time vs the ease of buying on-line. For example, Eli needed specific school supplies and a pair of insoles. Without Amazon that errand would have taken mental energy (planning and executing the stop at the store) as well as more time and possibly more money. So I can kind of justify spending the money because it would have taken me many more days to complete if I had to actually add the things to the list (that doesn't currently exist) and then go to the store to buy them. Has anyone successfully curbed their Amazon use? Tell me your secrets! I don't want to trade my Amazon spending for Target spending, but I also think that maybe I'd be less likely to add-to-cart if I was physically touching the items. Maybe...

Sarah over at HarryTimes is tracking her spending and I kind of like that idea. There's so much evidence that tracking helps bring awareness, and I know I've used food logging effectively. I do become pretty self-competitive and neurotic about it, which was not so great with calories but maybe exactly what I'm looking for with finances? I'm also thinking that I'm going to take an Amazon break. There's nothing on there that I can't procure in real life, even if we do have to wait until I can stop to get it. At least to make it a little more intentional.

Tell me your tips! We make decent money and there's really no reason to be so problematic about it, and I'd love to get it somewhat under control before I'm facing down buying kids' cars and college tuitions (OMG.) 

Rain and Spoons

First of all, I just realized that my title suggests that I'll be discussing spoons in the therapist context and I can promise you that "spoons" will never leave my mouth intentionally. I don't know why, but that whole analogy bugs me so much. But I digress. This post is NOT about mental energy to complete tasks. It is, however, about how we basically are living in torrential downpours 24/7 now. Oh my goodness. I'm about three more rainy days from building an ark. It has been raining SO MUCH. Work gave us raincoats for the end-of-year gift, and I have never been so grateful for swag in my life. And I have had so many occasions to wear galoshes that I'm now rotating between my black knee high ones and Sydney's yellow booties. And on top of the rain, we're getting this crazy wind like gusts of 70 mph that shake my 50 year old, single pane windows in a way that keeps me up at night waiting for an implosion. Further adding to the whole "Is this the apocalypse?" vibe is that trees are falling down EVERYWHERE. 

Neighbor's house

Commute

My cute raincoat. Little did I know…

BUT all this inside time has been fabulous for my new obsession, spoon carving! It really is becoming kind of problematic but I love it so much. I blew through the wood that came in my kit though, so I decided that I'd go find green wood (as suggested by fine hobbyists everywhere per the internet). Then trees started falling down. So now I have a literal wood pile on my front yard. I bet the HOA is missing my bike rack now! 

This picture? This is a GIANT log that was procured for me by one of my staff. That's what kind of situation we're looking at. I picked up a 150lb block of cedar at work and then put it in my backseat like a hillbilly. I'm one hay bale  and a pack of Camel Lights away from returning to me circa 1996.  

I just love it so much. I've gotten pretty okay with a scoop, but my next goal is an actual eating spoon. Then a spork. Then a butter knife. If you need me I'll be over here whittling...

This is what my life looks like now. We're replacing the carpet soon and I wonder if they'll be curious why it's full of sawdust...

 

What I Read: 2022

 You can see my previous wrap-ups here: 2021, 2020, 2019, 2018, 2017

My goal this year was 65 books. I finished #75 (Tomorrow and Tomorrow and Tomorrow, which I tried to read earlier this year and abandoned, then devoured this time) just under the wire on New Year's Eve. It was a good year for books! As I was looking back, it was hard not to put all 75 on this list. I didn't have any that I wouldn't recommend. But no one wants to read a wrap-up that goes on forever so I narrowed it down to my absolute must includes. 

I am declaring this "The Year of the Audiobook" I never really liked audiobooks until after my dad died and I realized that part of my trauma response was that I don't do great on long drives listening to music. I commute about 30 minutes each way, so I'm able to get a lot of listening in (and even more once I thought to speed it up to 1.75x) And while you may recall that I declared that I do not enjoy non-fiction or memoirs, it turns out that I LOVE them as audiobooks! So that's been fun to dive into. 

Top Audio Books: Audio books get measured not only on the story, but also the talent of the narrator. I have quit several because the voice of the reader was grating or annoying. These books, on the other hand, were such a delight to listen to. 

The Parasol Protectorate series is the exact opposite of that. It was such a delight to listen to that I even tried to find the contact information of the voice actress so I could send her a note of gratitude. There are five books in this series and I loved every one of them. Plus the premise is so fun; steampunk + vampires and werewolves + a protagonist who is full of moxie and feminist ideals and who loves to eat. 

Taste: My Life through Food by Stanley Tucci. Turns out that while I do not love reading a memoir, I do love listening to the author read their own story (for the most part. There were a couple this year that I did not love). Stanley Tucci talks about food and family and community in such a lovely way. I'm grateful that I found this via the Libby app because I 100% would not have picked it up in hard copy. 

Where the Deer and the Antelope Play: The Pastoral Observations of One Ignorant American Who Loves to Walk Outside. I originally tried to read this one on paper and couldn't get into it. In audio format though? I loved it so much. I would listen to Nick Offerman read IKEA assembly instructions. This book blended his voice with his unique take on environmental matters including history, conservation, and travelogues. 

Non-Fiction Books that challenged my assertion that I don't love non-fiction because I couldn't stop talking about them: 

Fuzz: When Nature Breaks the Law. Did you know that there are squads of people in India whose job it is to address rogue elephants? Or that elephants will sometimes kill people just for fun? Or that rich people mitigate the monkeys in Delhi with bigger monkeys, even though using guard monkeys is against the law? I got bored during the bear chapter because it seemed so straightforward, but then I learned all about why deer freeze in headlights and how they investigate animal attacks and a whole bunch of other fascinating things about animals all over the world. I'd never ready any Mary Roach and this was an awesome intro into her research

The Hidden Life of Trees: What They Feel, How They Communicate: Discoveries from a Secret World. OMG. That's a long title. I listened to this one and the narrator has the most delightful English accent. It's also full of fascinating information. Like did you know that aspen trees quiver so that their leaves can absorb sunlight on both sides? Or that there are trees that can attract certain insects in order to combat parasites (but they only call in the cavalry if needed)? 

You can't say I don't have a type, and my book choices are no exception. This year there were a lot of vampires, historical fiction, and curiously, Peter Pan re-writes. 

Historical fiction books I loved: 

The Wedding Dress Sewing Circle. I loved this one so much and it made me wish I could join a quilting circle. Or that quilting circles existed. It also made me feel a little weird about having my wedding dress sitting in my closet in it's ridiculous "Archival Box" 

The Huntress. WWII female pilots in Russia. SO GOOD. 

The Lost Apothocary. Sisterhood, lost souls, and just the right amount of vengeance and murder. 

The Rose Code. I do love a book about WWII code breaking women. Enough said. 

Peter Pan re-writes:

Lost Boy: The True Story of Captain Hook. This was SO GOOD. I love when a well known story gets flipped on it's head. Darling Girl. This one was fun because it focused on Wendy and her descendants. Fair warning though, it gets a little darker than I originally anticipated. 

Fail-safe books to recommend to people. 

Lessons in Chemistry. I loved this book and wished that Elizabeth Zott was a real person. 

The Ex Hex. Super cute. Witches and romance. The second one was good too, albeit steamier. 

True Biz. This book was so, so well done. I've been trying to convince all my kids to read it. It was a great story with realistic characters, and interspersed was a lot of history related to the Deaf community that I had no awareness of before. I hope this makes it onto diversity booklists

Books that I kind of obnoxiously insist that people read

The House in the Cerulean Sea. This is maybe the best book I've ever read. It's definitely in the top ten. It's just delightful and I've already given away several copies. I love to hear which of the kids is someone's favorite. 

The Southern Book Club's Guide to Slaying Vampires. I kind of fell down a vampire rabbit hole for a minute and this book was so fun. I loved that it took a long time to figure out whether the vampire was going to be a metaphorical or actual antagonist. After I finished this one I read My Best Friend's Exorcism too. Both are good but I liked Book Club better. 

The Inheritance of Orquidea Divina. This one had a real Encanto vibe to it, and I love magical realism something fierce. Definitely lives up to the hype. 

I set my goal for 2023 at 70 books. I'm currently listening to Nevernight and trying to pick my next "read with my eyeballs" book from my embarrassingly robust backlog of Book of the Month picks. 

Christmas Photodump and my awesome presents

 Christmas this year was all the things I love. It was quiet and cozy and low-key and while parts of it were sad, the kids keep declaring it "the best Christmas yet!"

Going to see the lights on Christmas Eve is becoming a tradition. I got ONE picture of all of us, and Eli has this pose in every single version

But he also was a good sport for this so...

Averson and I took the furs out for a spin earlier in the week

Finding matching PJs gets harder with big kids, but they were THRILLED with these! 

Averson got her bow and arrow set! (And helpfully, a second so someone could shoot with her) 

Her Christmas list included "Anything Hades related" and "Anything Cebirus [Cerberus] related." So my brother 3D printed and painted her a pretty intense version of Hades riding Cerberus

I bought these months ago and C gave me such a hard time, but I stand by the decision 100%

Happy Tween! 

This was another of Averson's homemade gifts. I finished it just in time (like, maybe at 10:00 on Christmas Eve) She named him Herbert

One of Eli's favorite gifts. A portable tea kettle and loose leaf teas. Also featured is one of Syd's favorites, a milk frother. Our coffee/tea station is getting a little out of hand

C and I gave each other the same ridiculous gift! I opened it and for a second thought he'd regifted it to me. Also, I originally thought the Warmies would be a silly little filler gift by OMG. They are delightful. 

And my brother made me into an action figure!!!

Her #1 ask was for a weighted blanket. It's a lot heavier than I expected and she loves it. She spent the rest of the day cozily pinned to various surfaces

Eli was such a happy elf this year. It was so fun

One of my favorite gifts! I've wanted a spoon carving set forever but it's absolutely one of those ridiculous things you keep looking at and never buy. So now I'm a spoon carver

C's perfect spot for the present opening chaos. 

My brother and sister-in-law are ridiculously adorable

Another fail-safe gift? The Comfy. Everyone loves a Comfy

The day after Christmas my brother and his wife headed out and we all went to the archery range to try out the bows. It was such a good time and fun to have all five of us together. Between the bows, the carving set, and the unpictured shacket situation, there was a real vibe going on for Christmas this year and I kind of love it. Last night C and I sat at the kitchen table, me carving my spoon and him putting tips on arrows and it all was wonderful but also I saw a picture of a cousin's Christmas and their grandpa wore overalls and I may have thought to myself "I should get C a pair of those!"  

Flinging

I feel like this needs a postscript: He's totally fine! He was laughing too hard to get up but he did not break his back :) 

Back in the 80s, with no tv reception and loving 30 minutes outside of town, entertainment looked very different than what my kids are used to. One of our favorite activities was when my mom would “fling” us onto the couch. It’s a very lo-fi game but it’s SO FUN. My mom would lay on her back and we’d sit on her feet. Then she’d launch us into the air and we’d land on the couch. We’d circle around taking turns until inevitably one of us overshot and hit the wall. Then she’d declare the game over until the next round. 

I thought of it today when Sydney was trying to teach herself to backflip. I can’t believe it took me so long! Once I flung Eli and he understood the concept, he took over. We haven’t laughed so hard in a long time, and no one ended with an ER trip!

Festive-ish

After last weekend's hydrological event, I've decided to be done with my holiday decorations. I've been pulling things out bit by bit when I had a little time, but honestly, it all felt a bit overwhelming and I think this year has been notable for my significantly reduced tolerance for being overwhelmed. It's funny, because I've been trading pictures with my sister, a self-proclaimed Grinch, whose house now looks like Buddy the Elf came through in a manic state. I'm pretty sure she has lights up in her bathrooms even. I thought I was feeling bad about what seemed like half-assing it, but actually, it feels kind of perfect. I'm resisting the urge to purge what's left in the Christmas bins (sometimes out loud) but this feels like enough.  

My absolute favorite. Santa pictures is on the list for Holiday Festivities That Will Not Be Skipped.

My mother's electric poinsetta. My grandma made these for her kids long before I was born and I have coveted this insane fire hazard for my entire life. I was very fair about a lot of things but I'm not ashamed to say that I secreted it out of the house after she died. The base is concrete, the wiring is exposed, and the pipe cleaner leaves were probably purchased at an actual tobacco shop for actual pipes. I don't leave it plugged in (because I value my home and would prefer not to burn it down) but I do light it up on occasion to revel in all it's glory. 

C bought me the ridiculous Dolly Parton Advent Calendar from Williams Sonoma. And the actual non-electric poinsetta is from the plant-of-the-month club he signed me up for for my birthday. He's kind of killing the thoughtful gifts this year. 

This year's craft. So easy and it was a nice entrance to the holidays. 

And these guys. They bring me a lot of joy. I forgot to put them away when I put away the half-assed Halloween decorations. So now they're my festive Christmas yoga skeletons. 

 

Sunday

 Weekend mornings drinking coffee while my house sleeps will forever be one of my favorite things. On this particular morning I’ve also cranked out some Christmas shopping and started a delightful new book. 

It’s so stormy here. Apparently we’re having a “hydrological event” which I opine is a dumb phrase to use if you’re trying to warn the general public about a shit-ton of wind and water. But alas, no one asked me. So for future reference if you’re warned of a hydrologic event, it means the highways will be flooded and you shouldn’t bother putting up outdoor holiday decorations unless you like having to go find them later. And if you hydroplane while singing La-di-da-di word for word your teenager will be as impressed as teenagers get by their nerdy middle-aged moms. You’re welcome! 

In other Sunday news, new job (which I still love so so much but OMG I’m working a lot of hours) gave me a signing bonus (!!!) so we’re FINALLY considering replacing the blue (or gray, or green) carpet!!! I’m so stupid excited even though it means strangers are seeing my kids’ rooms and the corners where I stash all the things because while I have acres of blue carpet, I do not have storage space. But soon! Soon all my stuff will sit upon carpet and flooring that is younger than I am and it will be glorious!!