Procrastinating

I start teaching again this week after a long-ish hiatus, and I'm not near ready. So of course I have to update my blog/look at craft kids/clean my kitchen/all the things. I do love teaching but I also loved not working after work. But I also love the extra income and my sugar daddy prospects are pretty slim these days...

Anyhoo. I finished the Whole30(28) and only went off-plan twice (both as a guest who didn't want to be "that person.") I lost seven pounds, dropping below the weight that I've been stuck at for the past 18 months. I was hoping to lose more, but I keep reminding myself that seven is a solid win. I binged on pizza and girl scout cookies, only to come to the conclusion that apparently either sugar or grain (or maybe dairy, but probably not) has a significant negative impact on my mood. Seriously, I was so anhedonic the next day. And I couldn't eat cookies or carbs to make myself feel better, which was depressing. I'm back on the Whole30 (ish, I'm not worrying too much about minute amounts of sugar/grain in foods) and my mood is back to normal. Seriously, WTF?

I also went to a personal trainer a couple weeks ago! After my complaints about the bottle cap that was a permanent fixture at the gym, I "randomly" was selected for a free training session. Yes please! I'm always eyeing the TRX area, but I've been too afraid to try it out, for fear of strangling myself in front of strangers. I asked the trainer to help me get oriented and work out a few basic exercises. First though he went over my "workout goals" and calculated all of my numbers. Turns out that what I thought my goal weight should be is about ten pounds less than my actual ideal weight. Which means I'm that much closer! So yay! And I've been doing a TRX routine for the last couple weeks, focusing on my core and my upper body. Allegedly I can actually fix my three c-section belly (though we'll see how that pans out.) I like having something new to do in the gym. It's also REALLY hard and I'm sore in weird places.

Other things

Eli bridged from Cub Scouts to Boy Scouts. It was adorable and he was super into the ceremony. His new troop is pretty awesome and he's so excited. I'm excited because in Boy Scouts, the parents aren't expected to help or even attend many of the outings. I love my kid but he could use a little more autonomy. Also, I don't love hordes of pre-adolescent boys (shocker!)

They have an overnight outing at the end of the month, and Eli chose to not have one of us go as chaperones (C wanted to go, I did not.) I'm excited for him but also a little freaked out. He always seems so big and stinky, until I think about him sleeping in a tent alone in the woods. Then it's back to this

While we're on the topic of kids that got too big. Syd's been asking for fake glasses for over a month and I finally found a pair when we took Averson to the mall. They just happened to look just like mine. This is creepy and awesome all at the same time. 

I amwas having some serious fourth baby fever, with all my babies getting so big and all. On the other hand though, it is nice thinking that maybe I won't be fat forever and that I could wear a white shirt someday. The extra dog helps too. It took me five minutes to get through the crowd when I got home from work today and I am not my most awesome self when I'm being overrun by small bodies (no matter how cute they are). 

And in other news, we got a new dog!

We found a new dog! This is Scout. We were starting to get dejected trying to find a good fit for Atticus, and had turned to an organization that helps pair families with rescued pit mixes with second dogs. They sent us to meet a "sweet energetic girl" and it was the worst thing ever. This dog had mange scars and just kept lunching and snarling at Atticus. Poor Atticus couldn't get away fast enough. Leaving there, we thought we'd just "swing by" this shelter that's deep in the downtown area (literally under an overpass) to see this little terrier we found on-line. We got there and she'd been adopted TWO MINUTES earlier. Gah. But then we wandered around and decided to meet this one year old mix. Once she hadn't eaten my children, we decided to let her meet Atticus. The trainer called it "one of the best meet and greets we've had in a very long time." She also called Atticus "well behaved" so maybe take that with a grain of salt.  

She had to stay at the shelter for another week because she hadn't been spayed yet, which gave us a chance to spend a ridiculous amount of money on new toys and pink glitter collars. She finally came home with the cone of shame and antibiotics for a cold (making my dogs officially more taken care of than my children.) 

She integrated so easily. The vet thinks that she hadn't been on her own very long because she's so normal acting. She doesn't bark and she hasn't chewed up too much that she's not supposed to. She gets up on the couch like she's allowed (she's not, except when C gets all softy on them.) She intermittently barks at Syd, which is kind of weird, but it hasn't bothered Syd yet. She and Atticus are pretty much inseparable. She stole his bed on the first night and he didn't even glance up. She's since been relocated to a crate for her inability to refrain from pissing in my hallway and eating C's new hat, but they're still pretty cozy and I keep having to pull Atticus out of the crate. 

I think maybe getting a second dog was a ludicrous idea. I went from our house being just maybe a touch too small but manageable to not being able to take three steps without tripping over someone. But she is very sweet and Atticus is really happy. Now if she'll just pee outside...

Stinky's Four!

My sweet, smart, sassy girl turned four today! She was very specific yesterday, saying, "Today I'm three but tomorrow I'll be four." This morning she told us, "It's my birthday and when it's my birthday I'm in charge of everything I know. And I know you so I'm in charge of parents today." Can't argue with that logic. This girl is so cool that it *almost* distracted me from thinking about how this might be my last three year old ever. Sunrise sunset and all that.  Also, I just found this while looking for my post after Averson was born

I think her size, coupled with all the concerns in the hospital, has reminded me that she is so little and vulnerable. Which, of course, means that this will be the kid with the record for most broken bones/bruises/flying leaps from trees. We almost named her "Avery Danger" and she may live up to that nickname.

Traditional Birthday Donuts

The Bigs bought her presents, and wrapped them, on their own this year (swoon). I think watching her open her gifts, and watching them watch her, was the highlight of the day. They were so thoughtful in their choices (Pokeman stuffed animals plus a few cards from Eli, a Paw Patrol puzzle and journal from Sydney) and she is the most fun person to give things to ever. C and I gave her four rolls of washi tape because, as she sings often, all she needs is sparkles and sticky stuff to suceeeeeeeed!

We forewent a costly birthday party in the interest of Project Adulting (aka Stop Bleeding Money.) Instead, I took the day off so that I could take her to Build A Bear. What I forgot is 1) Build a Bear is a fine tuned racket and 2) There's a reason we don't go to the mall. I should have thrown her the damn party. Also, I told her she could go anywhere she wanted to for lunch and she picked McDonalds. SMH.

She chose to build a Chase. The bath station was a highlight. 

Spending birthday money from the grandparents

You can't tell, but that box is bulging with "Sure. I guess so. It is your birthday!" accessories. 

Bonus carousal ride. She was worried that the dragon might be hurt because he wasn't flying when she asked him to.

Worth it. 

She chose to go to the Spaghetti Factory for dinner, and for the first time ever and much to everyone's delight we were seated in the train car. The wait staff sang to Avery when they brought her ice cream. I so wish I'd video'ed it. She does this awesome thing were if she starts to get nervous or is about to take a risk, she very quietly takes a deep breath and visibly re-centers. Then she enjoys the moment. I could see her start to get overwhelmed when everyone in the restaurant was singing, but she took her deep breath, folded her little hands in her lap, and enjoyed the moment. 

There aren't words that can accurately convey how cool this girl is. She is smart in a way that continuously takes you by surprise. She's also conniving. Yesterday she asked a friend who'd stopped by, "Do you know where Walmart is?" When he said "yes" she then matter-of-factly explained, "Tomorrow's my birthday. I really want a Paw Patrol toy." "Oh? Is that so?" "Yes! So since you know where Walmart is, you can go get it for me!" She does set ups like this ALL. THE. TIME. She told me this morning that when she grew up she thought she'd get a "Mom job." I asked her what she would do in her mom job and she said, "Say bad words." She wants to swear so badly. She loves animals a lot, but in a gentle way. She'd pet every dog she saw if the owners would let her. She doesn't put up with being the littlest or the youngest, and when a boy was picking on her friend tonight at the indoor playground, of four kids and two moms, she stormed over there demanding action first. She loves to love and is the best hugger. She is sweet and compassionate and mischievious and just the most fun three four year old.

The week in shenanigans

And in reverse order because they loaded funny

I took a Mental Health day (because work still is not awesome) and C and I finally used up a Groupon we'd bought for a local climbing gym. The first part was a belay class. C didn't believe that I could keep him from dying, so I let him hang for a few awkward seconds. 

Faux action shot because you can't belay and selfie at the same time

I heart pretty knots

This bottle cap has been on this ledge at my gym for two weeks, so I gave him eyes. My plan is to give him accessories each time I go. Stay tuned!

Add caption

 Last minute Valentine's for the kids, brought to you by "My car overheated in the Walmart parking lot." Syd saw hers and yelled, "Can I have poop?!" 

My Valentines. All smiling and looking at the camera. At the same time!

Averson's purse. It has Pokeman cards, a wooden Santa, a glow ring, and a Paw Patrol Valentine. I love preschoolers so much!

I was invited to a "Book Buzz" by our library, where a rep from Penguin presented books coming out soon. It was so geekily fun, and I'm in the top 10 on the request lists already! 

I'm still on Whole30. I'm not sure I'm doing it right though, because I don't feel any different (better or worse.) I haven't lost any weight, which is incredibly frustrating. I don't particularly hate the food, though I do miss convenience and normalcy. We went out for lunch today at Cafe Rio and I basically ordered lettuce with chicken and a side of guac. And I ate the same spinach, chicken sausage, egg bowl for breakfast and dinner. 

The PTO Glow Dance (aka Baby Rave). Best part? The basket of highlighters that the kids were using to draw on themselves. Second best was Syd making sure that Eli was included when there weren't any of his friends there. Third was Avery running AMOK. 

I started reading Little House on the Prairie to the kids. I'm reading out of the same book I read as a kid and the pages are so loose I won't let anyone else touch it. I loved the series as a kid. I read it once as an adult and got so irritated by Pa that I was traumatized. I'm hoping this time is a better go. 

This cracks me up. We've been trying to reorganize our budget/bill pay/etc so that we can close our Wells Fargo accounts, and C has taken over the bill paying (thank God!) He doodles while he's on hold with companies. 

Dennis

A few weeks ago I was walking across the prison yard on my way back to my office. I'd just sat through three hours of institutional committee, listening to men half-heartedly protest that they hadn't meant to kick that officer, or that they found the weapon, or that they "couldn't remember" how their cellmate got that broken eye socket. That was after another two hour committee where we tried to figure out how to encourage a guy to stop punching people in the face or jerking off in his window. It's a glamorous career.

So I'm walking back to my office, thinking about how lovely it will be to finally sit down to lunch, in the quiet, and mindlessly read the latest cluster-fuck in the news, when I notice an inmate in a tucked away corner doing a funny little shuffle step backwards. I work in an area with a large population of mentally ill inmates, so its not unusual to see guys doing weird shit. One guy does interpretive dance with two sheets of cardboard every day. This was different weird though. So like one does,  I stopped to watch. In a few seconds, I realized that he was also calling to something down on the ground. As I watched, I finally saw a tiny baby goose come from around the corner, following this inmate and simultaneously biting at the grass (do geese eat grass?)

I typically make it a point to maintain forward momentum when I'm walking alone among inmates, but I had to stop and ask this guy WTF? And that's how I came to meet Dennis the Goose.

Dennis (or Denise, no one's sure yet) at one time had a cozy little family and a mom and brothers and sisters and a sweet little nest. However, we've been getting a lot of rain and during a big storm, the nest had washed away. Dennis's mother left him for dead and this inmate decided to adopt him. Now Dennis follows him everywhere. There are "babysitters" and "uncles" that watch him while his adopted dad is working. They make him a little nest of blankets when the weather is cold. They keep the other mean geese away and make sure that he has the best grass to forage in. It's not allowed, and I would never ask, but I'm pretty sure that Dennis sleeps in the cell with him too.

I finally broke away and went back to work, where I learned that Dennis was already a celebrity. Some of my friends had even pet him, which I immediately regretted not asking to do. A maximum security prison can be a pretty crappy place to be, with all the punching and stabbing and masturbating. Dennis was this little glimmer of frivolity and goodness and I love glimmers of frivolity and goodness.

I've been following the story of Dennis ever since, but hadn't seen him in a while. Yesterday, I was walking with a friend and we just happened to come across him. Like a huge dork, I immediately said "Can I pet him?!" And that's when this inmate scoops up Dennis and thrusts him into my hands. I held a tiny baby goose named Dennis in the middle of a maximum security prison. Can't say that every day. My only regret is that I'm freakishly rule following, so of course there are no pictures.

Not Dennis

Fasting February

I have been super burnt out at work since stepping down as big boss lady. I'm not sorry that I didn't apply for the job, but I'm just tired and having a hard time motivating myself or feeling very excited about it. As my dad said when I was whining to him, "That's about as first world problem as they get." Basically he told me to put on my big girl pants, which was about as sympathetic as he gets. It was, however, a good reminder that work is not all the things. When I get in a funk like this, I like to shake things up a bit. It gives me something to get overly involved in and reignites all those synapses. I thought about a new baby (this should tell you where my brain is) but I'm finally learning that family planning probably shouldn't be an impulse decision. We tried to get a new dog but apparently there are three types of dogs available at shelters; pit bulls, chihuahuas, and the kind of dog that gets adopted by lottery. I don't think we could pull off the two pit vibe, Atticus would eat a purse dog, and we are notoriously unlucky in lotteries. So...no dog. I don't have time for home remodels right now (though that might be next) and our next "vacation" isn't until April. With all of my go to's out of the question, I was pretty desperate for something interesting.

I bring you FASTING FEBRUARY!! aka I'm a big follower February! Or as I'm calling it to my friends, Eating Disorder February! (not really, and eating disorders aren't funny. I know.) A friend of mine on Facebook started a Whole30 group and so I thought, why the hell not? Changing your eating habits is sure to take your mind off being bored to tears at work! And so far it's working! My coffee is gross and I think about Dove chocolate squares more than is reasonable, but I'm also pinning recipes and talking vegetables and using my brain in a non-worky way. I will say though that I will be SO MAD if I don't lose at least ten pounds. Seriously. I'll give up and have a fourth baby. And then I'll keep having babies until menopause because if I don't lose weight eating nothing but eggs and vegetables, I'm screwed. And if I'm going to be fat I may as well get some cute babies out of it.

I'm loving Averson's photobomb!
This lipstick lasted
through twelve hours and two birthday parties,
including cake and coffee.
Seriously amazeballs. 

And because I'm a follower and a crazy person and trying to pay for a new kitchen and a new vacation and all the new clothes I'm going to need at the end of EDFebruary, I also am trying to limit my extraneous spending. It's worked out pretty well since I just spent $50 on two new lipsticks (OMG. If you haven't tried LipSense you have to. This shit is AMAZING.)

So two days in and I've bought two lipsticks I didn't need, eaten seven zuchinni's in zoodle form, and lost no pounds. On the other hand, I did walk out of both Trader Joes and Target with only the things on my list which has happened exactly twice before in my life.

So much scouting

The boys didn't join us on the march because it was Eli's first Pinewood Derby. We joined this Pack at exactly the wrong time. It's the tail end of all the Cub Scout activities, but Boy Scouts hasn't started yet. So basically Eli started just in time to graduate. We're very proud. 

Super cheesy family picture. 

 The Arrow of Light is supposed to represent all of the work that you did during Cub Scouts. Some boys had these super full arrows, with stars and stripes and feathers and the works. Because Eli's been doing this for about three minutes, his was more "sparse." That didn't stop him from being all about it though. My favorite part was when he left his dad standing in the front of the room to bring me his pin, since "Dad got the last one." Goober. 

Guess which ones are Syd and Eli's? Hint: the ones that look like children touched them. 

Goober 

 And to really drive home this phase of our lives, it's also Girl Scout cookie season. It's a lovely time that triggers every tiny piece of competitiveness in my soul, resulting in my purchasing at least $100 worth of cookies so that Syd can "earn" a pair of socks. She is quite the hustler though. She LOVES door-to-door sales and has even figured out that she can use her sister to her advantage. The two of them KILLED it. Those socks are going to look amaze-balls on her.